Why do we hate LGBT people so much?

I was raised in a family where I was going to be in a relationship with a man and that was the way it should be, if there was a program showing LGBT people on TV it was turned over, if there was a LGBT couple walking down the street we were supposed to be disgusted. But I don’t understand why. Why are we so against something that causes no harm? I mean, I can not think of a single reason to hate someone based on their sexual preferences, and I believe that as long as there are two consensual adults then they should be able to have sex, marry, and have kids with anyone they choose. I asked my family and a few people I know why they did not support the LGBT community and here were their reasons:

• Religion. Okay this a touchy subject and I don’t want to offend anyone, so if you’re an idiot who doesn’t support equal rights because a book written thousands of years ago says so then I’d look away now 😉 From my extensive research I have found this little gem “Adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor thieves…shall enter the Kingdom of God.” So, clearly being gay is exactly the same as being a thief or an adulterer? Come on guys! Being LGBT is NOT A CHOICE! Just like it is not my choice that I find guys sexually attractive, you could tell me all day and night that this was a sin, but I’d still like guys. Don’t get me wrong, although I am not religious I love the principles of religion- that we should love and care for each other, and I like the idea that it can bring people together and I also like having hope that there is something watching out for me. But I think the idea of religion should be that we are all created equal, not that we are all created equal as long as you’re not female, black, LGBT, from a different religion etc.
• “It’s unnatural”. Actually, we have found evidence of homosexuality in at least 450 species (Source: Yale Scientific, 2014) and only one species has homophobia. Which one is more unnatural now? Huh?
• Gay people encourage homosexuality. Oh right I forgot, every time I see two girls holding hands it makes me want to be a lesbian. Guys, this is not how sexuality works! You are gay or you’re straight or you’re bisexual or you’re transgender. You just are. Do you ever walk past a gay couple and have the sudden urge to change sexuality and fuck a dude? No! Because again, it doesn’t work like that and if you answered yes to that question perhaps you are the problem.
• Children with gay parents will have a bad upbringing. Are we just ignoring the millions of straight families who have neglected and abused their children? I truly believe that as long as a child is loved then I don’t think they give a fuck the sexuality of their parents, and the child will be brought up to embrace the LGBT community and this can only be a good thing!

Sorry for the rant but I just cannot believe that we are in the 21st century and we still cannot accept that there are people with a different sexuality, and damn it that should be okay!

My life in books…

I got this idea from this lovely lady and you should definitely check her blog out! So here we go, this is my life in books:

Find a book for each of your initials:

• A- An Abundance of Katherines, John Green. It’s a book by John Green. Just read it, in fact just read everything John Green has ever touched.

• L- Lies, Michael Grant. Oh gosh this book is horrific, in a good way! It is the third book in the Gone series and it is an amazing read. I won’t give too much away but I seriously recommend this to everyone, it is my favourite series of all time.

Count your age along your bookshelf- which book is it:

• The Perks of Being a Wallflower, Stephen Chbosky. This book genuinely made me laugh and cry, although that’s not really saying much considering I cried at the Fantastic Four movie (sadly that is a true story).

Pick a book that represents a destination you would love to travel to:

• Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone, J.K Rowling. Now clearly my Hogwarts acceptance letter got lost in the post, but I still have hope that one day Hagrid will come and until that day I can only wait and wish!

Pick a book that’s your favourite colour:

• Eleanor & Park, Rainbow Rowell. This is one of my favourite books, and it’s so romantic yet frustratingly unromantic. I know that makes zero sense, but please just read it! Plus, my favourite colour is yellow 🙂

Which book do you have the fondest memory of:

• The BFG, Roald Dahl. *Warning: soppy story ahead* I used to read this book to my little brother (when he was actually a little kid and not the 6ft tall thing he is today) and I used to make up parts of the book as I read and add in crazy adventures and completely new characters so that it would take longer to read because I loved spending time with him.

Which book did you have the most difficulty reading:

• Room, Emma Donoghue. This book was so difficult to read just because of the content, I don’t want to give away anything but this is not a cheery book but it was definitely worth reading and it was a book which was beautifully written and if you can brave it you should definitely give it a go.

Which book in your ‘To Be Read Pile’ will give you the biggest sense of accomplishment when you read it:

• Mansfield Park, Jane Austen. I want to read more classics and this is on my shelf just waiting to be read, so hopefully I’ll get round to it soon!

Well there you go, my life in books. And if there’s anyone reading this feel free to give it a go!

You are beautiful! (I promise)

*Warning: This video may upset some viewers*

This woman weighs 40lb, the weight of my four year old cousin, and she cannot get help from hospitals because she is a “liability”. Please tell me I am not the only one who thinks this is disgraceful. This woman lives in a first world country where the government has no issue with raising their paychecks by a few million, yet they can’t give help to a woman with a severe psychological disorder. This woman will be getting support, but not because the government have seen sense, but because people across the world have donated money to her (http://www.gofundme.com/savemyrachael) and I hope that in a few years time we will see a much happier and healthier Rachael.

However there are still people out there, heck some may even be reading this, who have this disorder. I think weight is such a taboo subject and I think this may have a part in why so many people have eating disorders. If you are on the larger side you are fat, you must just sit around eating all day, you should be ashamed of your body. If you are on the smaller side then you are anorexic, you must only eat salads, you should be ashamed of your body. This is insane! People are not “one size fits all”, and I think that we should promote being healthy and as long as you’re healthy and happy it shouldn’t matter whether you’re a size XXXS or an XXXL.

And to try and encourage you, my beautiful readers, to talk about your body here are my measurements…

• Weight: 10.5 stone (147lb)
• Height: 5ft 3″
• Waist: 29″
• Hips: 38″
• Clothes size: 12
• Shoe size 5

…Because I LOVE my body and you should love yours too! So if you’re feeling brave feel free to comment with your measurements so we can start spreading the love 🙂

My boyfriend died 5 years ago. This morning he made me pancakes.

Have I got your attention now? Good!

I should probably start at the beginning. This morning by boyfriend made me breakfast and we began talking about whether there’s life after death. Now I personally am not religious but I like the idea that there is Something out there, and that when I die I’ll go to the Somewhere where there is happiness and kindness and Unicorns and blah blah blah etc.

Then, while still eating pancakes, my boyfriend casually said “You know it’s actually quite nice, I’ve only died once but it’s not as scary as I thought it would be.”  Wait…What?! Turns out that 5 years ago he was at his dad’s house and he passed out. His heart stopped beating. His dad performed CPR until the paramedics arrived and he was taken to the hospital where they managed to restart his heart. According to my boyfriend he just felt peaceful, like there was nothing to worry about and he said he felt happy. It terrifies me that Kyle could have died that day, if his dad hadn’t come home early or if the paramedics got stuck in traffic then he may not be alive today. But it also reminds me he, and everyone I love, is precious. Plus I’m a little bit less scared of dying now because now I’m sure there’s Something (and although Kyle didn’t see any Unicorns I’m sure they’re there) and I’m also a little more convinced there’s a Someone and I’m so grateful they chose to save Kyle that day.

Everything you need to know about me (and a lot more you really don’t).

Hi, I saw this on someone else’s blog and I think it’ll help me take my mind off of today (for those of you who don’t know what today is here you go), so here is everything about me 🙂

Name: Amy

Birthday: 15th July

What Was Your…

1. Last beverage: Cup of tea (ugh sorry, I am a walking British stereotype)
2. Last phone call: My boyfriend, Kyle
3. Last text: My boyfriend again (I do talk to other people, I swear!)
4. Last time I cried: Yesterday at college 😦

Have You Ever…

1. Dated someone twice: No
2. been cheated on: No
3. Kissed someone and regretted it: Ohmygosh yes (sorry George, but you were gross!)
4. Lost someone special: Yes, and I think of them every day.
5. Been depressed: Yes, it sucks.
6. Been drunk and threw up: Nope!

Three Favourite Colours…

1. Yellow
2. Green
3. Purple

Since 2014 Have You…

1. Made a new friend: Does it count if I made up with a friend I haven’t spoken to in 2 years?
2. Fallen in love: Yes
3. Laughed until you cried: Yup, when I start laughing that’s it, I cannot be stopped!
4. Met someone who changed you: Yes, Kyle helped me realise I am so damn lucky to even be alive right now and I’m going to stop before I get too mushy!
5. Found out who your true friends were: I have been through shit in the past few years, so I already knew who they are 🙂
6. Found out someone was talking about you: Not that I know of (*suspiciously looks at friends*), but I think this is mostly because all my friends are dudes which makes my life a lot easier 😛
7. kissed anyone on your Facebook friends list: I don’t have Facebook, I’msososorrydon’tkillme! I kinda just haven’t got round to it yet, but I plan on getting it soon I promise 🙂

General…

1. Do you have any pets: My brother has an immortal goldfish who has managed to stay alive for the past 5 years despite randomly turning green every now and then. His name is Pumpkin.
2. Do you want to change your name: I love my name, my parents put so much thought into it it would be disrespectful to change it. (Someone gave them a baby name book and they turned to the first page and there it was, thanks guys!)
3. What did you do for your last birthday: I went to see the Fault in Our Stars (my favourite book and movie) with my boyfriend then we went to the Chinese restaurant where I work sometimes and had a meal. Nothing exciting but it’s one of my happiest memories, which sounds a bit sad now I’m typing it.
4. What time did you wake up today: 5:57am because I love mornings 🙂
5. What were you doing at midnight last night: I was asleep. I love mornings but I love my sleep too!
6. What’s something you can’t wait for: Going to University!!!
7. Last time you saw your mother: 10 minutes ago when I made her a cup of tea
8. What is one thing you would change about your life: How emotional I am, when I feel happy I feel ecstatic but when I’m upset it’s like I’m a black hole. But I wouldn’t change anything I’ve gone through because all my experiences have made me get to where I am today and I’m happy with who I am and the life I have.
9. What are you listening to right now: My brother talking to himself while playing his PlayStation and my mum coughing.
10. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: When I was in little school I had a friend named Tom, we totally had a thing going for like a whole week 😉
11. What’s getting on your nerves tight now: Being sad is not very nice 😦
12. Most visited webpage: Hmm, it would probably be this site at the moment because I don’t really do much else online.
13. Nicknames: My name is literally three letters, if you shorten it anymore you’ll just be breathing out. Plus I hate being called things like Babe and Honey because I get this a lot at work and it is annoys me much more than it probably should do. So, Amy is fine with me:)
14. Relationship status: In a relationship with my dorky, childish boyfriend who I wouldn’t trade for the world.
15. He or She: She
16. Hair colour: Blonde mostly, but turns ginger/brown in Winter.
17. Long or short hair: Medium, but trying to grow it longer.
18. Height: 5ft 3″.
19. Do you have a crush on someone: I may be slightly in love with David Tenant.
20. What do you like about yourself: I genuinely care about (pretty much) everyone I meet and I don’t think a lot of people do which is a shame.

Firsts…

1. First surgery: None, yay!
2. First piercing: Ears, but I hardly ever wear earrings.
3. First best friend: Sarah, who is still my best friend, 10 years and still going!
4. First sport I joined: Rollerskating, the one and only “sport” I am good at 🙂
5. First vacation: Probably Spain.

Right now…

1. I’m about to: Do some revision once I’ve finished this 😥
2. Listening to: Still listening to coughing and my brother shooting people.
3. Waiting for: My dad to come home with FOOD (hopefully!)

The Future…

1. Kids: Yes.
2. Get married: Yes.
3. Career: After studying Biomedical Science at University I want to work in a hospital diagnosing diseases and perhaps go into research, particularly looking at cures for Alzheimers and Dementia.

Which is better…

1. Lips or eyes: Eyes
2. Hugs or kisses: Hugs
3. Shorter or taller: I like tall guys but don’t tell my boyfriend, he’s only 5ft 4″!
4. Older or younger: Older guys, Kyle is 2 years older than me and he’s still immature!
5. Romantic or spontaneous: Romantic (hint, hint!)
6. Nice stomach or arms: Oh gosh, muscly arms!
7. Sensitive or loud: Sensitive (I hope this one is about a guy and not about something dirty?)
8. Hook up or relationship: Relationship
9. Funny or shy: Can I have them both please? Thanks.

Have you ever…

1. Kissed a stranger: Erm, yes!
2. Drank hard liquor: Again, guilty.
3. Broken someone’s heart: Yes, and I’m so sorry for leading you on I just loved the idea of having a boyfriend. Sorry 😦
4. Been arrested: Nope, I’m smart enough to not get caught 😉 (I’m kidding, don’t arrest me!)
5. Turned someone down: Yes, sorry:(

Do you believe in…

1. Yourself: Of course, I am fantabulous.
2. Miracles: Mhm.
3. Love at first sight: No. When you “fall in love at first sight” you are basing your emotions on the appearance of that person and I don’t think that’s the best way to start a relationship.
4. Heaven: No, not in the traditional sense but I like the idea there is “something” after death.
5. Santa Clause: What sort of question is that?! Of course I do, who do you guys think brings your presents, duh!

Well, if you made it through all that well done! I hope everyone is having a good day wherever you are x

I had no intention of writing this post, and up until last night I didn’t think I could. But then I typed in the word ‘Suicide’ into the search bar of this site and I came across hundreds of people who are thinking about taking their own life, and there is no way in hell I’m going to do nothing because if I can even make one person realise they are important then it will have been worth it.

In less than 48 hours it will be the anniversary of my best friend’s death. Joshua was aged 12 when he hung himself on Wednesday 19th May 2010. He left behind two guilty parents, one heartbroken sister, and me, a damaged 11 year old girl. Joshua was beautiful. He was also very gay and everyone knew it, and of course this led to bullying. It got to the point where he didn’t even want to go outside. One day we were sat in his room and he kept touching his sleeves and wincing every time he moved.  I grabbed his sleeve and pulled it up a and there were so many scars overlapping each other, I couldn’t understand what had happened and I guess I was in denial. He told me he had one for every time someone called him a faggot or a pussy, every time someone had pushed him over, each time someone had sent him a text telling him to die he had added another scratch. I don’t want to go into detail about how I discovered he died because that won’t help anyone and I’d rather not spend my Sunday morning trying to describe the pain of that moment.

Joshua would have turned 18 this year. We should be giggling over boys, and we should have had that joint 18th birthday party that we planned when we were 10, but that can never happen. I wish he could have met my boyfriend and saw me at prom where I wore a dress for the first time, and I wish I could have seen his face when I got my scholarship for University. And I am crying right now so I’m going to stop talking about the what if’s because he’s gone and there is no point thinking about something that is never going to happen.

Joshua thought that he was a burden on us and he thought there’s no way to fix the problems he had with bullying and his sexuality and that is why he took his life. But there is always another solution. Please go talk to someone, your parents, teachers, siblings, friends, or call a suicide hotline (http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html). Every single person reading this has a reason to live, and I completely understand that life can be overwhelming sometimes and it’s okay to feel that way. But self harm and suicide are not the answer. You don’t see the effects of suicide on the people you leave behind and the guilt and the pain and the tears. I’d like to think that this post may help someone, and maybe that’s just wishful thinking, but  it is too late for my beautiful Josh but it’s not too late for you.

I just miss him so fucking much.

 

Reasons to be happy

In 4 days it will be the anniversary of something awful, something I don’t really want to think or talk about. So I’m writing a list of things that I’m happy about and maybe that’ll help a little bit. Sorry, this isn’t the most though provoking or inspirational post but maybe it’ll encourage those of you who are having a tough time to do the same. Focus on the good things instead of the bad 🙂

1. I passed my driving theory test today, woo! But they must have thought I looked dodgy because she made me empty all my pockets, take off my jacket and show her my arms, and then I had to hand over my glasses to prove I didn’t have anything attached to them. If someone has cheated using their glasses they are a genius and should definitely be working for the government right now.
2. I only have a month left of college, and thank God because I don’t know if I could write another essay evaluating the criminal justice system.
3. I start University in September and I am ridiculously excited.
4. I have a scholarship to University so I don’t have to work two jobs anymore! No more customers throwing food at me, or getting hit on by weirdo’s double my age, and I don’t have to smile at people when I really just want to throw fortune cookies at them.
5. My boyfriend got an offer for University and I couldn’t be prouder of him 🙂
6. The boy I tutor said I was a good teacher, and that he will miss me when I can’t tutor him anymore. (Awww)
7. My brother is gaining weight and is training towards his black belt in Karate.
8. I have lost 1.5 stone in the past year by running and eating healthy (ish) and I have curves!
9. My boyfriend is so much happier now and he’s getting the help he needs.
10. I haven’t had a panic attack for a week, yay!

Well, I think that’s a pretty good list!

Sometimes it’s so difficult to stay positive but I’m trying hard and, if anyone’s reading this, I hope you have a good day x

I’m sorry for the time I had no time.

I’m sorry for the time I had no time.

The days when you needed me most, and the secret messages you tried to send.

The “Do you want company?” you sent my way and the excuses I made when you really just wanted someone to talk to.

I’m sorry for that Wednesday night when I forgot and you sat at the computer waiting for that message that never came.

I was so thoughtless then.

I promise that will change.

I can be better, I can be happier, I can be there for you.

Just wipe that red pen off your wrist and we can go.

Loosen your tie and I’ll make you a cup of tea.

Wake up.

Please.

Let’s talk about Autism.

Yes, my boyfriend is autistic. And he is the sweetest, kindest, most beautiful person I have met. Unfortunately he was told throughout his life that he would never be anything, that he would struggle with every aspect of normal life. He was bullied in every school he went to, punched, kicked, spat on. Every single day. Even writing this makes me so damn angry. The school did nothing, not even when he was set on fire on the day of his final English GCSE. Yet they managed to find the time to yell at him for being late to his exam. Now I know the schools nowadays are so much better at helping those with autism, but there are still so many people who don’t understand.

The reason I decided to write this post now was a conversation I had with a family friend. She asked how my boyfriend was and I mentioned he had autism. She seemed so shocked that I would even consider dating someone with this condition. Before I go on I want to mention that I have been lucky and managed to get good grades in school and am predicted to get top grades at college, and therefore I was offered a scholarship for University. The woman I spoke to could not believe that such a “gifted young lady” would want to be in a relationship with someone “with, let’s face it, no future”. How fucking dare she. My boyfriend has the potential to be anything he damn well wants to be. He wants to be an astronaut? I’ll ring up NASA right now. He wants to be an Olympic Champion? I’ve got a stopwatch he can borrow. He wants to be Doctor Who? That’s great, bow ties are cool. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I will support him in everything he does, because he deserves happiness. No one has the right to tell him, or anyone for that matter, that they have no future.

I have been with my boyfriend for a while now, and we’ve been there for each other in the best times and the worst and I have loved him throughout. Don’t get me wrong, he can drive me crazy sometimes and there’s been times where I didn’t know if we were going to make it. But we got through it, and I wouldn’t change him for the world.

The perfect day.

Things have been rough for the past few months, and unfortunately depression is not something you can cure by swallowing some aspirin. But I’m getting there. I want to thank my amazing boyfriend and his family for making me forget for a little while. We sat in front of the fire (an actual real fireplace!) watching Game of Thrones, eating homemade pizza, with Chubs (our very fat cat). I could almost convince myself I was in a Cecelia Ahern novel! I just needed 24 hours where I wasn’t surrounded by people giving me “advice”. For me, that’s the worst thing about depression- getting advice from those who have never had it. No, I’m not just having a bad day, and no I can’t just get over it, and saying I just want attention isn’t helpful thank you very much. For those of you who are fighting depression, keep going! Try and surround yourself with people who help you, and don’t listen to the ones who put you down. You’ll have good days and you’ll have bad, but as you start to get control again the good days will start to outnumber the bad ones. You are not alone.