Updates, University, and Unicorns.

Hey my beautiful readers,

I just wanted to give you an update as to why I haven’t really been present on here for the past few days. I’m currently sitting in a strange old building, surrounded by cats, and waiting for my Chinese takeaway to arrive. My boyfriend and I are looking after his dad’s hotel at the moment so we’ve been pretty busy! Between crawling through windows when guest lock in all of their sets of keys, to feeding all of Kyle’s dad’s horses and cats, we’ve barely sat down!

I want to give a massive thank you to everyone who commented on my post about Kyle not getting into University, we were both amazed at all the support we got. You’re all wonderful! Kyle is now planning on taking a gap year and reapplying for University next year, and at least this allows him to pass his driving test before he goes to University.

Most of you will know by now I’m also going to University this year, and I’m actually starting this Sunday! I’ll be moving from my tiny little town in the countryside to the big city of London, and I am terrified! I’ve already spoken to the people I’ll be living with and they seem awesome! Plus, they’re so understanding about my social anxiety which I am so relieved about. I just wanted to warn you all that my posting may become less frequent when I start University, but I promise I’ll never forget about you!

Thank you so much for reading, and as always if you want to get in touch please email me!

P.S: You may be wondering why I used the word Unicorn in my title. To be honest, it’s mostly because it sounds good, but it’s also because my boyfriend and I were playing charades and I had to pretend to be a unicorn. Because we’re sophisticated adults like that! Oh dear, I’m never going to survive at Uni!

5 Things you learn when you live by yourself for the first time.

For the past two weeks my parents have been on holiday so I have been looking after the house and my younger brother (aged 15). This is the first time I’ve ever been responsible for myself and someone else for longer than a couple of days, so I thought I’d let you in on a few things you learn when you have to fend for yourself for the first time…

  1. Food becomes precious. I have to walk to the shops and get my own food, and then *gasp* I have to cook it myself! This fact meant that any food in our house automatically became priceless and was carefully conserved to maximise the time I could spend in my pyjamas, and to minimise the time I would have to spend outdoors.
  2. Cereal becomes a main part of your diet. When you’ve only got a box of cornflakes and half a pint of milk left in the house, cereal for breakfast, lunch, and dinner becomes part of your normal lifestyle… and there’s no one to tell you no!
  3. Housework becomes all consuming. When your parents aren’t around to help with the housework, and your little brother refuses to do more than one chore a day, most of the housework falls to you…and it sucks! But if you don’t do it, your house starts to stink and you end up eating cereal out of  saucepan (in my defence I only did this once!)
  4. Every noise instantly becomes a serial killer. So you’re all snuggly in your bed, with a cup of tea in one hand and a book in the other, and you hear a noise. No big deal, your parents will protect you, right? Nope! You’re the responsible adult, and you’ve got a child to protect, so you have to go downstairs and be murdered.
  5. You find yourself doing more and more “adulty” things. Like having to call up the bank by yourself, and picking up your brother’s uniform, and buying healthy foods. And because of that it’s a great learning experience! But let’s be honest, I’m so glad they’re back!

Thanks for reading!

Dear 12 year old me,

Dear 12 year old me,

I am writing this letter to inform you that things will get better. Those angry scars across your thigh will fade, and your wrists will stop being a canvas for your pain. I promise. I know things are Goddamn awful for you, and I’m so, so sorry. You haven’t done anything wrong, I promise.

I know the Bad Man made you scared, but please don’t believe a word he says. You are beautiful. You are strong. You can keep fighting. This is the year he goes away. I know that seems impossible but it’s true, he will never lay a finger on you again. So keep going. Cry into your pillow, it doesn’t make you weak. Get out of bed, I know it’s the hardest task of the day, but you can do it. Talk to your parents, please, you’re scaring them.

In the future you’ll ace your exams (A*’s in Biology, Chemistry, and Physics!) and you’ll go to an amazing college. There will be a boy in the hallway, the one looking dorky and cute, the one smiling at you. Go talk to him. Or just do what I did and get really nervous and make a stupid joke…then run away awkwardly. But it’s okay, because your paths will cross again! You’ll go on a school trip, where you’re sat in a “train crash” so the emergency services can practice rescuing you. You’ll be covered in fake blood, wearing hospital scrubs, surrounded by smoke, and screaming people… and he’ll be sitting next to you making even stupider jokes and being just as awkward as you are.

This boy will make you realise how amazing you truly are. He’ll kiss your scars. He’ll hold you all night to keep the nightmares away. But most of all, he’ll be there for you. He knows your past, he’s intertwined in your present, and you’ll plan your future together.

Your future is filled with love, and hope, and opportunities. So please put the razor down, untie the rope, and look around you because the World is so beautiful. Just like you.

Lots of love,

Amy

(Written for Teens Tell Their Story)

I am so fucking angry!

Yes, I swore. Fuck fuck fuck. I apologise for any offense caused but I couldn’t care less. I made a promise not to write posts while I’m angry but I make an acceptation for this. You know that post I wrote about Kyle getting into University? Well I might as well fucking delete it because guess what… they made a mistake. There was a computer error. The letter was sent by accident.

We told all our family and friend’s, we even told our old teacher’s who were so proud of him, we smiled at all the lovely comments from you beautiful people, and we went out for a romantic dinner to celebrate. Then we get a phone call today saying they give their “sincerest apologies” at their “mistake”. This is not a fucking mistake! That’s someone’s life! Do they even realise what Kyle has to deal with on a daily basis?! Autism, Dyslexia, ADHD. And even if he didn’t have to overcome all this, this is still someone’s future, someone’s emotions, that they’ve royally screwed over. So, thank you. You have officially made my boyfriend, the strongest person I know, feel like he is worthless. And that’s not okay. This is not okay.

We’re going to University!!

We did it!! (Well, Kyle did it). As many of you know from my previous posts, my boyfriend Kyle has been struggling to get into University because his Dyslexia and Autism have stopped him getting a C in his English exam. Despite this, he managed to get 3 A grades in his Forensic Science course, and he got a B in Maths, and this has meant that finally he’s been excepted into University!! I’m beyond proud of him 🙂

Sorry this is such a short post, but I just had to share this with you all! He’s been through so much and finally people are realising how awesome he truly is 🙂

Thanks for reading!