Well, that really didn’t go very well…

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Many of you will know I’ve been struggling lately, and my anxiety is starting to get overwhelming. I’ve been feeling stressed and have recently self harmed again and had a major panic attack, the worse one I’ve ever experienced.

My parents are aware I have anxiety and get stressed, but they don’t know the true extent and they don’t know I self harm and have panic attacks. The reason for this is that my parents are very busy people, they work full time during the week then part time during the evenings and at weekends. Then any spare time they have is either spent doing errands or sleeping. They do an incredible job of keeping our family afloat, and I have so much respect for the work they do. However, I feel as though I have no right to tell them I’m struggling because it’s not fair for me to add another burden to their load. So, for the last eight years I’ve downplayed my anxiety.

But lately, my situation has got worse and a major reason for this is my fifteen year old brother. It’s the Summer holidays so both my brother and I are off school. The Summer holidays means that I have to start babysitting my cousin from 7am-7pm one day a week, I have to tutor twice a week and I also have to start ‘tutoring’ my brother too, I still work delivering Chinese takeaway three nights a week from 5pm-10pm, and I also have to do a large portion of the housework. What does my brother have to do? Karate lessons. That’s it, that’s his only commitment. So it would make sense for him to help me with the housework, right? Nope. According to my parents, they can’t force him to do the housework so I’ll just have to do it all until he decides he wants to. This just adds to my stress because not only do I now have to do all of it by myself, it makes me feel like my parents  value my brother’s happiness over mine. All of this can get overwhelming sometimes.

I decided to speak to my dad first, and I told him I’d been feeling upset and stressed lately. Before I’d even had a chance to explain why he said this gem: “It’s probably the amount of time you spend on that pathetic blog, it’s just sad.”. First of all, ouch! This really cut deep because I’m so proud of this blog, and there’s an amazing sense of community here. I told him he’d upset me and that he should apologise, and he just said that you only say sorry when you don’t mean something, and he meant it. He then went on to say that I’m just being silly, and that I don’t have anxiety and I’m clearly just looking for attention.

I then decided to speak to my mum. Again, I started off by telling her I was feeling stressed lately. She asked me why, and I said I felt like I had a lot of responsibilities and it would help a little if my brother could share some of those. She got really defensive and basically just told me to either suck it up or just stop doing the housework then, if I was going to complain about it so much. I felt like she was being so childish. She then told me to leave.

The next morning I woke up at 6am so I could go visit my boyfriend, and they both pretended like nothing had happened! It made me feel like I was going crazy! When I came home after seeing my boyfriend, my mum came up to my room and she asked me what was wrong. Seriously. Parents. Come on! I told her nothing, and she kept repeating “Tell me” until I eventually told her they’d both upset me and I didn’t want to talk to them right now. So she left and I haven’t spoken to them since.

Perhaps I could have approached the topic differently? Or maybe I am just being silly and I do just need to get on with it? I just feel my parents could have handled this whole situation better, because now I’m not going to tell them when I’m in trouble. Why would I? If they’re not going to take my concerns seriously about little things like this, then there’s no way I’m going to talk to them about the more important things. I feel as though this has pushed us even further apart than we already are. I hate feeling like I’m the only adult here, and I hate feeling worthless. This really didn’t go very well…

54 thoughts on “Well, that really didn’t go very well…”

  1. This is just my suggestion, but try talking to them when they’re both well rested and they’re not stressed themselves. Write down what you want to say and I would suggest telling them everything. I didn’t tell my mom anything until it was too late and I had to go in therapy. Tell them, it’s their job as a parent to care for you and to take some of your burden off of you, you’re still a child, you should be able to be one. I would also suggest talking to your brother about helping out in the house, just tell him that you would appreciate it if he helped out his sister every once in a while. I hope this helps you a bit and if you ever want to talk, we’re all here for you 🙂

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    • They’re constantly stressed 😛 Honestly, being able to sit down alone with them was incredibly hard, and unfortunately the only time they’re at home and not stressed or busy is when they’re sleeping ! I hate making my parents feel bad, because they are good parents and I just hate seeing them upset. My brother on the other hand, is a bit of an asshole. He just laughs when I ask him to help, and he knows how much I have to do and he purposely messes up the house so I have to tidy up more 😦 Thank you for your support though 🙂

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  2. I’m really sorry that things didn’t go as well as they could have done. Sounds to me as though your parents have lost sight of the most important thing and that is the welfare of their children. I’m a parent myself, and I understand the pressures that adults have on them with regards to work and finances, but the emotional welfare of the family is just as important. From my perspective, hearing that one of my children is hurt or unhappy is the most sobering thing in the world. Having been through issues with depression and anxiety myself since I was a teenager, I think you could benefit from seeing your doctor who could perhaps refer you to counselling services to help you cope better. x

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    • I had counselling through my college, and that helped a lot but of course that stopped when I left college in May. But I’m going to University in September so I won’t be able to start going to counselling until I move away. Thank you for your support 🙂

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      • Do make use of the university counselling service, I remember mine being really helpful. Also, the pressure of home will be off you considerably once you’re away. You go home when you want to so that things are always on your terms. x

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      • I will do, thank you 🙂 I can’t wait! It’s silly, but I can’t wait until I only have to wash up my stuff, or wash/dry/iron my clothes, and I don’t have to pick up after everyone, and I don’t have to babysit!! It’s going to be awesome 🙂

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      • You’ll have the freedom to focus on being you, and finding what makes you happy. That feeling is incredibly liberating, and I can still remember it even though it was 20 years ago for me! :o)

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  4. You have an awful lot of responsibility and all to yourself and it’s sad how a lot of the time parents don’t seem to understand this. My parents don’t even know I write a blog because I know that they would just shake their heads and say “why would you want to do that?”; they’re very close-minded. Even worse, parents don’t understand that sometimes their actions make them part of the problem because you can struggle to talk to them. I don’t think you’re being silly and you shouldn’t have to put up with doing things which are only going to make you feel more upset and anxious and I doubt I would be wrong in saying that as long as your brother is given the choice, he is never going to contribute to the housework. What’s your brother like, would you be able to talk to him? If he can understand then he might help you out more.

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    • I completely understand, I accidentally told my parents about my blog and they didn’t understand either. Exactly, that’s what makes me angry! When would a 15 year old choose to do housework if he didn’t have to?! I have spoken to him so many times, and just laughs in my face. He sees me struggling and he knows exactly how much work I do and he doesn’t care. Thank you so much for your support 🙂

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      • Parents basically seem to think that anything you dedicate yourself to on the internet is worth nothing. About four years ago I asked my parents if I could go to a convention for a TV show and they looked at me as if I was so weird and disappointing and it made me ashamed to tell other people that I was going, but when they found out they just thought it was cool. I suppose it just shows how times have changed since they were our age. Exactly! Oh no, that’s horrible. Boys are immature though and he obviously hasn’t reached an age yet where he can try and be a bit more understanding to other people’s problems. My brother is terrible too and he’s 23! It’s okay, always here.

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      • Yes, that’s so true! That really sucks, you shouldn’t feel ashamed of being excited about doing something you love! What frustrates me the most if that my parents will tell me to get off my laptop and spend time with them… when they’re watching TV. So I’ll shut down my laptop and sit around the TV in complete silence, because that’s family bonding time -_- Ugh, brothers! Thanks, and if you ever need to chat I’m here too 🙂

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      • I know, but parents are good at putting you down sometimes, eh. Oh I hate that, it happens in my family too. My mum always demands it at Christmas, but we literally just sit in the living room watching TV, miserable, and then they always fall asleep! (Last year I snuck upstairs and unsurprisingly they didn’t even notice.) Then, when you try and talk they tell you to be quiet because they’re watching TV. What’s the point in that? Aw, thank you!

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  5. I am really, really sorry. I can only tell you that this blog is NOT pathetic (but you already know that) and that I would say your parents responded quite negatively. Maybe they’re struggling with their stresses, but that still doesn’t justify the way they brushed off and even insulted your feelings and issues. And if it helps with anything, I’d agree that your brother really should chip in on the housework, seeing as you’ve already got lots of other things to do. You’re taking on a lot of responsibility and I’m proud of you for not blowing up at your parents (like I surely would have). Let me just finish by saying that while you were the only one who handled the situation properly, you’re NOT worthless. You’re beautiful, you’re strong, you’re caring and you mean so much to us! I just hope your parents will soon be able to understand the struggles you are going through. Maybe it might be worth having them read your ’50 Important Facts About Anxiety Post’, that certainly helped me realise the struggles you and many others experience. Lots of love and support and hugs.

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    • Thank you, I know they’ve got a lot on their plate but I agree, I don’t think it was necessary to speak to me that way especially when I didn’t raise my voice or get angry at all. Thank you for the support, and I’m so glad you liked my anxiety post! Maybe it would help, but I don’t think they’d actually look at it unfortunately. Hopefully things will sort themselves out soon though 🙂

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  6. I’m sorry, but it is not your fault! I think maybe your parents (no offence) may be caught up a teeny tiny weeny bit too much in their own lives, and not focussing on the beautiful star child that you are. Your mum might not want to cause trouble, and inadvertently just shuts you down when you try and speak your mind. I hope it gets better, because you are strong, beautiful, powerful and amazing, and you are too amazing to be feeling this low. Try talking to your parents again maybe and say that you feel as though you are being third-wheeled and pushed to the side or something. I dunno, I’m never really good at advice :/
    Hope it works beautiful xx 🙂

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  7. What I would suggest is take things easy…may be you misinterpreted your parents..may be they said things that were not to be taken seriosuly..who knows! go on with your work..and start enjoying it..and talk it out..don’t stay upset..it’s not good for health… 🙂

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  8. No, you weren’t being silly at all. You’re brother’s fifteen for goodness’s sake. Your parents should find a way to discipline them. If you stopped doing housework, would they accept that too? I think you need a break from housework because anxiety itself is a monster and then going through all the work and then get absolutely no appreciation and understanding from them. And how can keeping a blog make someone depressed? It made me less depressed. It was made as a therapy. And I don’t think your mother should’ve forced an answer out of you for what was wrong if she couldn’t handle it. So sorry sweetie *hugs* xoxoxo

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    • Exactly! If I stopped doing this stuff, I would be in so much trouble. I honestly wish I could just have one week. One week where I could literally just sleep, drink tea, and blog with no other responsibilities. That would be so amazing! Right?! Blogging has helped me feel so supported and loved, and it has only helped 🙂 Thank you so much for the support 🙂

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  9. You aren’t being silly. My sister is five years older to me and throws tantrums like a 2 year old, all the time. The last time I confronted my dad because they always take her side, he told me that he couldn’t bear to see her unhappy because she resembled his mother in appearance!!!!?? For that, I always have to compromise on everything. Even now when we are all adults and if I tell my mom how I feel she thinks it’s just jealousy. I have given up on trying to get them to see sense. I hope you have more luck than me. Sending lots of hugs from here. 🙂

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    • Oh gosh, I completely relate to that! It’s awful because no matter what you do you know that they’re always going to be treated better than you are. And by the way, that’s such a silly reason to favour one child! Exactly, it’s not jealousy! We just want some equality here! Thank you 🙂

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      • How can I even COMPETE with that? Features of my grandmother who is no more. :$ I’m so used to it by now that it doesn’t bother me like it used to. But there are days, when I just want to rattle everyone to startle their dozing brains. 😛

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  10. That’s not fair at all! Your brother should get some of the responsibilities it’s not like he’s a baby anymore! If only your parents knew what a great blog you run (one of the best for sure). You’re a wonderful human being ok? You help so many through your blog, you’re an inspiration! If you ever need to talk, we’re all here for you xx 🙂

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    • I agree, not only would it help me out but it’ll help him grow up and start becoming an adult. Aww, thank you 🙂 I honestly wish I could show them all of this, but after this I don’t think I can. Thank you, and if you ever need to chat I’m here anytime too 🙂

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  11. Forgive me if I’m being too forward, but your parents’ reactions to your unrealistic level of responsibility and blog seem emotional abusive to me. I mean look at all the feedback you get! Your blog is not a waste of time at all! I honestly think they are taking advantage and are trying to keep you down so they can continue to do so. Forgive me if this comment is too harsh, but it honestly made me so angry to read about how you are unjustly treated.

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    • I think they just get so wrapped up in their own lives they just forget about me sometimes, I don’t think they do it on purpose. Please don’t apologise for your opinions! I want you to be able to tell me how you feel 🙂 Thank you for your support 🙂

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  12. Wow. This made my heart hurt for your pain. I am SO sorry that you have to deal with this as a young woman—it is NOT fair. Maybe things like this are happening to prepare you for future struggles. I will continue hoping for you and always be here if you want to talk! ❤

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  13. Wow you have a lot on your plate! I’m 15 too and I do some of the housework even though I’m really busy with all my classes. It is really frustrating when it interferes with your schedule. Although I’m sure what I do is nothing compared to the load of work you have and on top of that the stress you’re under. Maybe you could talk to your brother directly and ask him to share the work load? Hope this helps 🙂

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    • Yeah it can be annoying when it stops me going out with friends, but even if he did a little bit it would help massively, and if you can do it and do your schoolwork I don’t see why he can’t either. I’ve asked him so many times and he just laughs in my face ;( Thanks for the support though 🙂

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  14. Oh blargh, what your dad told you, my mom has said to me before. Except for the blog part, but she did call me an attention whore and that really hurts, I can understand how you felt that moment. UGH I WANNA HUG YOUUU!! >n< I want to be there for you when times like this come. I want to comfort you. I don't know, I just feel we have a lot in common.

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  15. Aww I’m so sorry…that’s a lot to go through, and to think that a lot can relate to you, what on earth is wrong with your parents?! It gets better. This is coming from a fellow teenager. If any of you just need someone to talk to, I’d be glad to. Just keep blogging, it’s a very great outlet and the community is just wonderful. xoxo 🙂

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    • I think a lot of parents are just so busy with their own lives, they sometimes forget about how others feel. I don’t think they really do it on purpose most of the time. Thank you so much for your support, and if you ever need to chat I’m here too 🙂

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      • It breaks my heart when I hear from other young people that their parents are too busy for them. Whenever people tell me this, I have no idea how to respond. Still you’re right, I too believe that they aren’t doing it on purpose. All I can say now is that you are a very strong person for being able to handle what you’re going through right now. You should be proud of yourself 🙂

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  18. Don’t let what either of them said bring you down! I know it’s easy for me to say that since I’m not the one going through it, but your blog is one of my absolute favorites in my reader! I just thought I should let you know that, it seems you could use a little encouragement. 🙂

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  19. Oh dear! This was one post that I totally connected with!
    I have a hard time in communicating anything to my parents. They’re always busy or in their own words. No time seems to be a good time to start a conversation with them about something important.
    Even I do get a bit on the defensive without being rude, it somehow ends up in a full-blown fight. With my Dad saying that he doesn’t have the energy for it now, as he is too tired. And my Mum telling me that she is hurt by my words.
    I hesitate in telling them even about happy things, for instance, when I won a prize in a writing contest that I entered without their knowledge or that I got an internship at this cool place which I had applied for without their knowledge again. Because it is hard to convince them. They’re extremely fixated on their viewpoint and over-protective.
    It’s frustrating. But, I kind of realised that they are like that and nothing is going to change it.

    I started my blog anonymously and my parents don’t know that I have a blog.
    But, my blog has been my source of inspiration and strength many a days. I hope yours is as well.
    I do hope that you continue blogging and remember, that someday, it will all be okay! 🙂
    Stay strong!
    ~SunSandStarsAndDreams

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    • Exactly! They just get so defensive about everything, so we don’t tell them things! After my dad said this, I now don’t tell him about when my posts do really well. And that’s such a shame, because I’m so proud of this blog and I want to share that with them. Thank you so much for your support 🙂

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  20. Okay so people have already said so much to you and I’m just going to sound like a parrot now. But I do want you to know that whenever you want to rant, I’m here for you 🙂 Apparently, I’m a good listener or so people say, so if you want something off your chest, let me know 🙂

    I know it gets overwhelming at times like I literally cannot imagine how you cope up with all your activities because I do like one eighth of what you do and grumble about that. So remember: You’re ALREADY an inspiration to me and nothing you do can change that fact 🙂

    Another thing is, parents don’t understand why we’re addicted to blogging. They don’t get the fact that on here, we can be ourselves and there’s no one to put up a facade for. So they think it’s a waste of time but trust me, your blog is anything but a waste of time.

    And I’ve probably blabbered a lot now so I’m going to shut up 😛 But remember : Being someone else is tough but being true to yourself is so much harder and you’re already doing that 🙂

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