Dear Anxiety,
What the fuck do you think you’re doing? Do you realise you have singlehandedly made me cry more times than any other person? Do you even care?
I remember the day I met you. The Bad Man had just left and then you showed up. You were so nice back then. You kept me out of trouble, made me feel safe, you kept me quiet. You spoke to me so gently, and you said you’d help me get out. Oh I was so glad to have you with me.
But then you started to whisper in my ear as I slept. You showed me all those times The Bad Man hurt me, and you told me it was my fault. If I had just stayed quiet he wouldn’t have hit me. If I were invisible I wouldn’t have been attacked. It was my fault. All my fault.
My friends hated me. My family secretly wanted me dead, it would be easier for them that way. Right? That’s what you said. Everyone I met was out to hurt me. Every fingertip on my skin was a knife to my neck. But you were always there for me, to keep me safe.
I stopped going outside, avoided mirrors, and stopped talking to my family. You told me I deserved every slash across my thighs. That every burn, bloody knuckle, and bruise were the only way to prove my dedication to you. You were my only friend.
But you didn’t count on Love, did you? To be fair, I didn’t see it coming either. I definitely didn’t expect it in the form of an 18 year old boy.
You started whispering as I slept again. He was going to hurt me. He only wanted me for one thing, that’s what The Bad Man wanted so why would this boy be any different? But you didn’t count on him whispering back. “You’re beautiful”. “I’m so lucky to have you”. “I love you”. You didn’t like that, did you? So you threw a tantrum. And you made me breathless and you made me cry. You made me weak. Yet he still held me close. We fought you for so long and guess what… we won.
You still come and visit me sometimes, but that’s okay because you can’t destroy me anymore. You can’t turn my dreams into twisted flashbacks. You can’t force me to paint my legs with blood. You can’t tell me I’m worthless… because I’m not.
I am worth everything. I am intelligent , beautiful, kind, strong, and I am loved. And there’s not a single fucking thing that you can do about it.
Lots of love, hugs, and kisses
Amy xxx
This was so powerful, Amy..
I went from feeling grim in the beginning to empowered at the end. Like I always say, any piece of writing that makes you feel what the author felt is a work of art. Great job, and keep your head up! You’re the complete opposite of worthless.
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Thank you, I’m so glad you liked it. It took me forever to write and was quite painful to type up, but I’m so happy with how it turned out 🙂
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This amazing and so damn powerful!
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Thank you, it definitely wasn’t an easy post to write!
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Powerful!
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Thank you 🙂
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This is beautiful. This brought me from feeling very sad to feeling VERY… Resiliant, and empowered, and amazing for you. Thank you. This is a beautiful, beautiful ending to a post.
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Thank you very much, I’m so glad you enjoyed it 🙂 I’m just so thankful that I have got a happy ending, I know there are some people that aren’t so lucky.
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I think that what you wrote will inspire people, and that’s the best thing you can do 🙂
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I hope so! And thank you, you’re such an amazing person 🙂
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I’d say the same about you! 🙂
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Reblogged this on ella1698 and commented:
Amazing, literally didn’t take my eyes off it till the very end ❤
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Thank you so much 🙂
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I probably sound like a broken record but this post was absolutely amazing and for me personally something I think I really needed to hear, thanks for sharing!
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Thank you, this means the world to me. I am so glad you liked my post, it was definitely the hardest thing I’ve ever written so thank you so much. All the best x
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Fuck, that was powerful. What a stunning thing to post.
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Thank you so much!
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This gave me chills. Your words mean something. You mean something. You are so important. This things we deal with, these horrors and pains, they’re only prerequisites to our happiness. All the best.
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Thank you so much, this means so much to me 🙂
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This was amazing! So powerful! Xx
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Thank you, that means a lot 🙂
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I know I’m just repeating what the others already said, but this was such a stunning and powerful piece of writing. It made me feel (or at least imagine) everything that you must have felt while writing this, and the impact went straight through my heart. Beautifully written and I’m so happy that you realised what a fake friend Mr. Anxiety is.
Hugs! ❤
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I’m so glad you liked it, thank you. And anxiety is definitely a crappy friend, and I’m so happy I’ve replaced him with truly amazing friends 🙂
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I’m so happy to hear that 🙂
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Thanks for being so open. This is amazing !!!!
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Thank you, I’m so glad you liked it 🙂
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Reblogged this on littlemissrosie17.
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Thank you so much for reblogging this 🙂
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That was incredible.
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Thank you 🙂
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Reblogged this on Dream Big, Dream Often and commented:
Every Word You Say has a something to say about anxiety! I must advise that the post contains one strong word. But I want to reblog in fairness to all my fellow bloggers. Enjoy!
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Thank you for reblogging this 🙂
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My pleasure! I admire your honesty! I am not so sure I could have done so. Your words can help people not only understand, but help others to cope with anxiety as well!
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Thank you!
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this is so cute, stay strong girl 😉 I know it’s hard, chin up!
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Thank you so much! It’s hard, but I’m getting there and I’m so much happier now 🙂
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Thanks for writing this. Anxiety is just…no words for it.
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I’m so glad you liked it 🙂 Anxiety is hard to explain, right? It’s so restricting, but it’s difficult to explain that to someone who doesn’t have it 😦
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I know. I have it, so I understand all too well where you’re coming from. Keep your head up!
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Thank you, all the best to you too 🙂
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This is so beautiful, girl. I can’t tell you how much I love it ❤
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Thank you so much, that means a lot to me 🙂
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Amy, this is beautiful. You’re so brave to write about it and share your feeling with all of us. And I’m so so happy that you’re overcoming your fears and you have someone supporting you through it all. Take care dear xx
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Thank you! It’s not easy, I can tell you that for nothing! But I have an awesome support system, and I’m so much happier now 🙂 All the best to you too x
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Wow, you’re so brave…and such a good writer. I felt so moved by what you said. I really hope it’s something you can continue to overcome. You’re so strong. Love, Em x
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Thank you so much 🙂 I have an amazing support system and that helps a lot, slowly but surely I’m getting better 🙂
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I absolutely loved it, Amy. 🙂 I wonder if you’d mind checking out my blog, too?
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Thanks 🙂
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