The Love/Hate Challenge!

Thank you so much Swatii for the nomination!

Here’s the rules…

  • Write down 10 things you love.
  1. My boyfriend. He’s a massive dork, but I love him anyway 😛
  2. Pink Lemonade. I got some for my birthday and it’s fabulous!
  3. Daisy’s. They’re my favourite flower, and they’re just so summery and bright and beautiful, I love it!
  4. Blogging. I’ve met some amazing people, and I love knowing that people are listening to me 🙂
  5. My family. They’re all so busy but they always find time to support me and I think they’re all wonderful people.
  6. Science. I find it all so fascinating! We have eradicated diseases that have killed millions, we can survive in outer space, and we have the potential to do so much more!
  7. Hugs. It takes me forever to trust someone enough to hug them, but I love getting hugs so much 🙂
  8. Kisses on the forehead. Aren’t they just the sweetest thing?!
  9. Rollerskating. It’s the only sport I’m actually good at!
  10. You. Seriously, everyone who likes, comments, and follows make me smile 🙂
  • Write down 10 things you hate. 
  1. Calling people on the phone. I hate it. I get all nervous, but unfortunately I am now an adult and need to sort out my own business.
  2. Confrontation. I can’t handle people yelling at me or being angry at me, it makes me feel sick and I just think there are better ways to deal with problems.
  3. Being hungry. I am constantly hungry. All. The. Frickin. Time. Which means I have to have super self-control to stop eating otherwise I will continue eating until I’m sick.
  4. Meeting new people. I get so scared and I feel like I’m going to mess up.
  5. Funerals. I’ve never been to a funeral. Sometimes I feel guilty, but at least my memories of that person were when they were alive and happy, not when they were in a box in the ground.
  6. Rude customers. After working in the food industry for two years, I have met a lot of rude customers. Here’s the deal. If you have a genuine complaint, please tell us politely and we have no problem sorting it out. However, it is never okay to throw your food at me, throw money in my face, or come to the door naked. Sometimes I hate delivering Chinese food 😦
  7. Cold tea. There’s nothing worse than a cup of tea going cold 😦
  8. Shaving. I hate shaving, but I love having smooth legs. Do you see my problem?!
  9. Ironing. This is one of the chores I have to do, and I hate it! It’s so boring and takes so long 😦
  10. Feeling sad for no reason. This often happens to me, I’m not sure why but some days I wake up and I just feel sad.
  • Nominate other bloggers. I’m going to chose 10 because I think that’s a nice number 🙂
  1. The Introvert
  2. Crazygrrl123
  3. Only I, Know The True Me
  4. Transcend
  5. Baby Steps 22
  6. 21 And Sensory
  7. Penny
  8. Sophie Speaks Up
  9. Dainty Delusions
  10. Vintage x Smiles

Thanks again for the nomination, and thank you for reading 🙂

Dear Anxiety,

Dear Anxiety,

What the fuck do you think you’re doing? Do you realise you have singlehandedly made me cry more times than any other person? Do you even care?

I remember the day I met you. The Bad Man had just left and then you showed up. You were so nice back then. You kept me out of trouble, made me feel safe, you kept me quiet. You spoke to me so gently, and you said you’d help me get out. Oh I was so glad to have you with me.

But then you started to whisper in my ear as I slept. You showed me all those times The Bad Man hurt me, and you told me it was my fault. If I had just stayed quiet he wouldn’t have hit me. If I were invisible I wouldn’t have been attacked. It was my fault. All my fault.

My friends hated me. My family secretly wanted me dead, it would be easier for them that way. Right? That’s what you said. Everyone I met was out to hurt me. Every fingertip on my skin was a knife to my neck. But you were always there for me, to keep me safe.

I stopped going outside, avoided mirrors, and stopped talking to my family. You told me I deserved every slash across my thighs. That every burn, bloody knuckle, and bruise were the only way to prove my dedication to you. You were my only friend.

But you didn’t count on Love, did you? To be fair, I didn’t see it coming either. I definitely didn’t expect it in the form of an 18 year old boy.

You started whispering as I slept again. He was going to hurt me. He only wanted me for one thing, that’s what The Bad Man  wanted so why would this boy be any different? But you didn’t count on him whispering back. “You’re beautiful”. “I’m so lucky to have you”. “I love you”. You didn’t like that, did you? So you threw a tantrum. And you made me breathless and you made me cry. You made me weak. Yet he still held me close. We fought you for so long and guess what… we won.

You still come and visit me sometimes, but that’s okay because you can’t destroy me anymore. You can’t turn my dreams into twisted flashbacks. You can’t force me to paint my legs with blood. You can’t tell me I’m worthless… because I’m not.

I am worth everything. I am intelligent , beautiful, kind, strong, and I am loved. And there’s not a single fucking thing that you can do about it.

Lots of love, hugs, and kisses

Amy xxx

God Hates Fags.

I am so sorry I had to use such an offensive word in my title, but I wanted to get the attention of those who need to read this the most. Below is a video showing Russel Brand (a UK comedian) interviewing two members of the Westboro Baptist Church, who are renowned for their vocal hatred of the LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender) community.

The following is my personal views and opinions regarding this video and this subject in general. Please feel free to watch the video and make your own conclusions. I wrote down my thoughts while watching the video…

  • Firstly, the men from the Church give Russel Brand a sign saying “Fag Pimp Brand”. How charming is that? Not only is that so offensive to those from the LGBT community, it just seems childish and unnecessary. It also suggests they associate the word ‘gay’ with prostitution. For those of you who may be confused, prostitution is where someone gets paid to perform sexual acts. Being gay is where you are attracted to someone of the same sex. These terms are not interchangeable.
  • The men from the Church say that they love everyone in the audience, and by telling them they are sinning they are proving their love. If you encourage sinning, such as homosexuality, then you hate the person because they’re going to hell. You encourage the hatred of a group of people because you love them? This just doesn’t make sense to me. Can we not just love everyone and let God decide who deserves to go to heaven? Surely, God will let you into heaven if you promote the love and acceptance of everyone who doesn’t cause harm to others? But if you show hatred to someone who has caused no harm, then won’t you go to hell?
  • The phrase “God hates fags” was mentioned. I hate this expression. God hates no one. Are you God? No. Why are you speaking for him, when, if he truly hated gay people wouldn’t he just kill them all off if he’s the all powerful being he is depicted as? Surely God has allowed people to be born with different sexuality, and we should embrace and accept this. In fact, it is repeatedly mentioned throughout the Bible that love of everyone is the most important thing- and this is mentioned so much more than the idea that homosexuality shouldn’t be allowed.
  • Russel Brand mentions that there are more important issues that we should be focusing on. I agree with this. I think people of all religions, races, genders, sexualities etc. should unite to try and end issues that are hurting people. For example, one in five women worldwide will be raped. And one in seven men worldwide will be diagnosed with prostate cancer. Or the fact two million children each year will die because they can’t access clean drinking water. Is the fact that some people are not heterosexual of more importance than uniting to try and solve these problems? Picture this: if every time someone made a sign saying they hate gay people, each time someone bullied someone for their sexuality, and each time a protest was made against gay marriage, they donated money to charity instead. Or they protested against animal cruelty, or they just simply smiled. Wouldn’t that be a much better use of our time?
  • Ghandi is going to hell. This made me giggle a bit, but also cry a little on the inside. He’s going to hell because he said the phrase “God loves the sinner, but hates the sin”. See I quite like this quote, I think it shows that God loves you no matter what, he just doesn’t agree with your actions sometimes. But let’s just ignore the years of non-violent protests and civil rights work Ghandi carried out to improve the lives of others. This seems like such a twisted view of life and I think it’s quite sad.
  • I don’t like that they say gay people are perverts. Perverts are people whose sexual behaviour is not seen as “normal” and is unacceptable in our society, so in their eyes the LGBT community are perverts. But in my opinion their sexuality is normal for them, just like it’s normal for me to be attracted to men. I believe that as long as a relationship involves adults who give consent then it shouldn’t matter what sexuality someone identifies as and I think it is so offensive to call someone a pervert when they are not doing anything to hurt someone.
  • “God’s love is for everybody”. This was spoken by one of the gay men in the video and I couldn’t agree more. Everyone who embraces God deserves his love, and who are we to say that they can’t?

Although I am not gay, I support anyone who is a member of the LGBT community and I really hope that in the future I won’t have to write posts like this because there will be no discrimination. I am also not religious, I do not believe in any God. I do believe in the principles of religion though, love and unity and acceptance and hope. But I don’t agree with people who use religion to promote hate against people.

Thank you for reading 🙂

Reasons why I love my dad…

Hey you lovely lot, it is 8:30am, on Sunday the 21st of June. That means that here in the UK it is Father’s Day, so to honour my dad I thought I’d write a list of reasons why I have the most amazing dad ever…

  1. He makes me laugh. I don’t like new places or being surrounded by large crowds. I mentioned this in an earlier post, but wherever I am I plan my escape routes and try and wear clothes and shoes that allow me to run away if I need to. So if I’m in a new place it’s harder for me to plan how I can escape and that makes me uncomfortable. So I’ll be sitting there at a crowded family gathering and dad will come over and make faces at me and just goof around, which definitely helps 🙂
  2. He sings and dances all the time. And I mean all the time! It doesn’t matter where we are, if Gangnam Style comes on he’s dancing, which has lead to some interesting looks while we’re out shopping! We deliver Chinese takeaway together, so we’re in a car together for about 15 hours a week. That means we have perfected the art of the duet. At the minute our favourite one is FourFiveSeconds by Rihanna and Kanye West, and we will practice until we get it spot on 😛 Then if a song comes on with a good beat we will  rave in the car (with me trying not to knock over the Chinese food), which is an interesting sight! At the minute it’s I’m an Albatraoz (*warning contains rude words) which is our go to rave song.
  3. I can tell him anything. I know a lot of girls go to their mum for advice, especially regarding things like relationships, but for me my dad is just so open and honest that I go to him first if I have a problem. It’s so nice to have someone who I can laugh and joke around with, but also someone who I can have deep conversations with.
  4. He taught me to work hard. My dad works full time, 5 days a week from 8am-5pm. Then three nights a week we deliver Chinese food from 5:30pm-10pm. My dad still manages to find time to go to every one of my brother’s karate lessons, gradings, and competitions. And we still go visit my nan every single week. And he’s never missed a parent’s evening, school play, or award ceremony. I know he must be so tired, but he never once complains and I think that deserves a lot of respect.
  5. He taught me the value of money. If I wanted something I got it…If I worked for it. I have never wanted for anything, but if I do want something then I either had to wait until it was my birthday or Christmas, or I had to pay for it myself. And I think this has made me work so much harder, and ever since I was 13 I’ve had a job and this has helped me become a more mature person and has helped me get into my dream University and get a scholarship 🙂
  6. He has always been there for me. I know that if I was in any kind of trouble I could call my dad and he would be there in a heartbeat.
  7. I know he loves me. My dad has always given me unconditional love and respect, and I wouldn’t change him for the world.

Happy Father’s day, Dad! x

Encouraging Thunder Award!

I got so excited about getting this award that I texted my best friend at 6am to share the good news. For some reason she was not as enthusiastic as I was! Thank you so much Desire To Express! EDIT: And a HUGE thank you to Relating Aches too!

Here’s the rules:

  •    Add the Encouraging Thunder logo. Here we go…

  •    Grant other bloggers the award. Here are my nominations for some awesome bloggers:
  1. A Girl With ADHD
  2. Sweetheart
  3. My Irrelevant Thoughts
  4. Everything And Nothing
  •    Mention your purpose in blogging.

Why did I start blogging? This is actually quite tough, mostly because I can’t really remember! I think it started when my friend mentioned the word “Thinspiration” to me, and I had no idea what it was. So I Googled it and the first thing that came up was a blog encouraging people to become anorexic. And my first thought was, I’ve got to do something. I hated the fact this blog was just spreading so much self-hatred, and so I guess I started this blog to try and make people feel happy. And I know a lot of my posts aren’t the cheeriest thing, but I’ve always tried to offer support and I encourage anyone who wants to chat to contact me (aleve44@hotmail.com). Because I think there is so much hate on the internet, so I wanted this to be a place where people felt accepted no matter what gender, race, religion etc.

  •    Thank the person who nominated you. I’ve thanked her once, but I don’t think that’s enough so I’m going to thank her again! Thank you! And everyone who’s reading this needs to go check out her blog because she’s fabulous 😉

And there we go, and I can’t wait to see the post’s from my nominations 🙂

Questions for my boyfriend.

I saw lots of people on here and on YouTube doing ‘The Boyfriend Tag’, and I thought I’d do something similar. I answered the questions first without seeing his answers, then sent them to Kyle and we’ll see how our answers match up 🙂 So here we go…

Where did we meet?

Kyle: We first met at college, but we come to know each other from a college trip to do a train crash simulation and then I asked you on a date the day after xx

Me: We first saw spoke to each other in a hallway outside a classroom. He bragged about having a motorbike! But then we had to go into our classes so I never got his name. A few months later we were on a college trip where we had to pretend to be in a train crash so the emergency services could practice saving us. So, the first time I spoke to him properly we were both covered in blood, surrounded by people screaming and firemen knocking down the doors, smoke everywhere, and there Kyle was sitting next to me making cheesy jokes 🙂

  • Where was our first date?

Kyle: At the cinema, we “watched” Ride Along.

Me: We went to the cinema to watch a movie called Ride Along. Kyle was so nervous (but he says he wasn’t)!

  • Where was our first kiss and how was it?

Kyle: It was on our first date and it was lovely 🙂 But we kissed so much I missed all of the movie 😦

Me: It was in the cinema and I was ridiculously nervous. It was so sweet (or maybe that was the popcorn)!

  • What was your first impression of me?

Kyle: A cute and talented woman. I wanted to get to know you better.

Me: What a dork! But he was cute and he always had a big smile on his face 🙂

  • Who said “I love you” first and where were we?

Kyle: I  think is was a month after we started dating that we started say we love each other, but I don’t remember when it actually started. I said it but I wasn’t sure if you felt the same way. Until I rang you on That Day when you were upset, and then we said it to each other. That was when I knew we both meant it.

Me: Uh oh, I can’t remember! I think Kyle actually texted me it first and I didn’t say it back! I feel bad, but I didn’t want to lie to him and I wasn’t sure how I felt. But then something bad happened to me, and he called me up at the perfect time. We were on the phone for ages and he was so good, I knew then that I loved him and I think that was the first time I said it back.

  • What do we argue about most?

Kyle: The small things that don’t matter.

Me: I think most of the arguments are my fault! (Don’t tell Kyle that!) Because Kyle’s quite an immature person, which isn’t a bad thing, but I’m a really mature person so sometimes our personalities clash. Plus, I’m such an emotional person that when I feel something it’s so overwhelming that I tend to overreact.

  • What do I do that you don’t like?

Kyle: When we play any board game and you start to lose you try to throw it off the table, or state that every one else is cheating.

Me: Oh no. I think he’ll probably say when I take his phone when he’s not looking and take selfies. I once managed to get up to 345 selfies, which he then had to go through and delete. Oops, sorry 😦 *EDIT: I’ve just seen what he put and okay I do that. I am the most competitive person at board games, and it got so bad that everyone refuses to play with me 😦 I’m sorry Kyle!

  • What do you love most about me?

Kyle: Your eyes, your smile, your fun personality, how strong, kind and caring you are, and that you work and fight so hard to be and do what you want to do xx

Me: If he says my butt I will not be impressed! *EDIT: Aw, okay I love this guy x

  • What is your favourite memory of us?

Kyle: When we went on our first holiday together to Canvey Island. It was our first time away, and it was my home where I grew up. I got to show you all the reasons why I love it, and I’m glad the first time you went there you were with me.

Me: Probably when we were round his dad’s place. We were sitting in front of the fire (an actual fire!) and we were wrapped up in a blanket. It was so romantic and we just talked and laughed, and I knew I loved you so much.

And that’s it. I loved doing this, and I think I got to know him a little bit better. Now I just want to give him a giant hug! Thank you for reading x

Why do we hate LGBT people so much?

I was raised in a family where I was going to be in a relationship with a man and that was the way it should be, if there was a program showing LGBT people on TV it was turned over, if there was a LGBT couple walking down the street we were supposed to be disgusted. But I don’t understand why. Why are we so against something that causes no harm? I mean, I can not think of a single reason to hate someone based on their sexual preferences, and I believe that as long as there are two consensual adults then they should be able to have sex, marry, and have kids with anyone they choose. I asked my family and a few people I know why they did not support the LGBT community and here were their reasons:

  • Religion. Okay this a touchy subject and I don’t want to offend anyone, so if you’re an idiot who doesn’t support equal rights because a book written thousands of years ago says so then I’d look away now 😉 From my extensive research I have found this little gem “Adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor thieves…shall enter the Kingdom of God.” So, clearly being gay is exactly the same as being a thief or an adulterer? Come on guys! Being LGBT is NOT A CHOICE! Just like it is not my choice that I find guys sexually attractive, you could tell me all day and night that this was a sin, but I’d still like guys. Don’t get me wrong, although I am not religious I love the principles of religion- that we should love and care for each other, and I like the idea that it can bring people together and I also like having hope that there is something watching out for me. But I think the idea of religion should be that we are all created equal, not that we are all created equal as long as you’re not female, black, LGBT, from a different religion etc.
  • “It’s unnatural”. Actually, we have found evidence of homosexuality in at least 450 species (Source: Yale Scientific, 2014) and only one species has homophobia. Which one is more unnatural now? Huh?
  • Gay people encourage homosexuality. Oh right I forgot, every time I see two girls holding hands it makes me want to be a lesbian. Guys, this is not how sexuality works! You are gay or you’re straight or you’re bisexual or you’re transgender. You just are. Do you ever walk past a gay couple and have the sudden urge to change sexuality and fuck a dude? No! Because again, it doesn’t work like that and if you answered yes to that question perhaps you are the problem.
  • Children with gay parents will have a bad upbringing. Are we just ignoring the millions of straight families who have neglected and abused their children? I truly believe that as long as a child is loved then I don’t think they give a fuck the sexuality of their parents, and the child will be brought up to embrace the LGBT community and this can only be a good thing!

Sorry for the rant but I just cannot believe that we are in the 21st century and we still cannot accept that there are people with a different sexuality, and damn it that should be okay!