You Look Disgusting

A friend of mine showed me this video and suggested I make a blog post about it. Twenty seconds in and I had already made up my mind that I had to write about this.

This woman (whose blog you can visit here) posted photos of herself online when she was not wearing make up. The comments she recieved were awful, and phrases such as “revolting” and “ugly” and “gross” were thrown at her. Let’s just get this straight. You are entitled to have an opinion, but if you can’t express this opinion in a polite and respectable manner then please keep it to yourself. Especially about something as personal as someone’s appearance.

The woman in this video has acne. Almost as if she’s a human, right?! As a teenager I have acne. Growing up I had acne pretty bad and I was so self conscious so I used to cover my face in tons of makeup, and I used to have my hair hanging over my face to try and cover them up. Until I just woke up one day and just thought fuck it, I have spots because my body has a ton of chemicals whizzing around and there’s not much I can do about it. So I walked into school with no makeup on and my hair in a ponytail and guess what… no one cared! Please do not feel like you have to wear makeup to feel beautiful, and if you don’t like wearing makeup please don’t feel like you have to to please others.

But.

If you want to wear makeup because you like the way it looks and it makes you happy, then wear it, you’re beautiful! Don’t let anyone tell you what to put on your face.

So here’s a few final words for those reading this:

  • If you have spots, you’re beautiful.
  • If you don’t have spots, you’re beautiful.
  • If you don’t wear makeup, you’re beautiful.
  • If you wear makeup, you’re beautiful.
  • If you spread love and happiness, you’re beautiful.
  • If you’re reading this, you’re hella beautiful. Fact.

Thank you for reading and I’d love to hear your thoughts on this topic 🙂

GUEST POST: Life is a death sentence- by Daniel

Hey guys, I’ve got another amazing guest post for you courtesy of the lovely Daniel. 

It’s common knowledge that life is a terminal condition. One day, hopefully in the long time, we will all pass away. Now most people take this information in their stride. They live their live to the fullest. They chase their dreams. Live lives that most think about constantly. Many people, on the other hand, decide to remain ignorant of this, and live lives devoid of meaning. They sit and think about the lives they want to lead. They think about following their dreams, but put it off. It can wait. I don’t have the money. Opportunity will fall in my lap, I don’t need to go out and take it.
Sadly, this isn’t the way to live. Charles Richards once said ‘Don’t be fooled by the calendar. There are only as many days in the year as you make use of’, a sentiment to live by. Start living today. Audition for that play, apply for that job, start that novel, book that flight to the far off country you’ve dreamed of visiting ever since you were a child. Waiting for your dreams allows others to convince you they are unattainable. Waiting for happiness quickly becomes settling for mediocrity.
Life is hard. Life is sad. Life will hurt like nothing else, but life is worth it. Seize the day like there is no tomorrow, because for all you know, there might not be. Life is a Death Sentence, but it need not be a slow march. It is what you make of it.
For Alyssia.
Thank you again, Daniel, for being a wonderful guest writer. And if anyone would like to guest write for me please contact me at: aleve44@hotmail.com.

Encouraging Thunder Award!

I got so excited about getting this award that I texted my best friend at 6am to share the good news. For some reason she was not as enthusiastic as I was! Thank you so much Desire To Express! EDIT: And a HUGE thank you to Relating Aches too!

Here’s the rules:

  •    Add the Encouraging Thunder logo. Here we go…

  •    Grant other bloggers the award. Here are my nominations for some awesome bloggers:
  1. A Girl With ADHD
  2. Sweetheart
  3. My Irrelevant Thoughts
  4. Everything And Nothing
  •    Mention your purpose in blogging.

Why did I start blogging? This is actually quite tough, mostly because I can’t really remember! I think it started when my friend mentioned the word “Thinspiration” to me, and I had no idea what it was. So I Googled it and the first thing that came up was a blog encouraging people to become anorexic. And my first thought was, I’ve got to do something. I hated the fact this blog was just spreading so much self-hatred, and so I guess I started this blog to try and make people feel happy. And I know a lot of my posts aren’t the cheeriest thing, but I’ve always tried to offer support and I encourage anyone who wants to chat to contact me (aleve44@hotmail.com). Because I think there is so much hate on the internet, so I wanted this to be a place where people felt accepted no matter what gender, race, religion etc.

  •    Thank the person who nominated you. I’ve thanked her once, but I don’t think that’s enough so I’m going to thank her again! Thank you! And everyone who’s reading this needs to go check out her blog because she’s fabulous 😉

And there we go, and I can’t wait to see the post’s from my nominations 🙂

Questions for my boyfriend.

I saw lots of people on here and on YouTube doing ‘The Boyfriend Tag’, and I thought I’d do something similar. I answered the questions first without seeing his answers, then sent them to Kyle and we’ll see how our answers match up 🙂 So here we go…

Where did we meet?

Kyle: We first met at college, but we come to know each other from a college trip to do a train crash simulation and then I asked you on a date the day after xx

Me: We first saw spoke to each other in a hallway outside a classroom. He bragged about having a motorbike! But then we had to go into our classes so I never got his name. A few months later we were on a college trip where we had to pretend to be in a train crash so the emergency services could practice saving us. So, the first time I spoke to him properly we were both covered in blood, surrounded by people screaming and firemen knocking down the doors, smoke everywhere, and there Kyle was sitting next to me making cheesy jokes 🙂

  • Where was our first date?

Kyle: At the cinema, we “watched” Ride Along.

Me: We went to the cinema to watch a movie called Ride Along. Kyle was so nervous (but he says he wasn’t)!

  • Where was our first kiss and how was it?

Kyle: It was on our first date and it was lovely 🙂 But we kissed so much I missed all of the movie 😦

Me: It was in the cinema and I was ridiculously nervous. It was so sweet (or maybe that was the popcorn)!

  • What was your first impression of me?

Kyle: A cute and talented woman. I wanted to get to know you better.

Me: What a dork! But he was cute and he always had a big smile on his face 🙂

  • Who said “I love you” first and where were we?

Kyle: I  think is was a month after we started dating that we started say we love each other, but I don’t remember when it actually started. I said it but I wasn’t sure if you felt the same way. Until I rang you on That Day when you were upset, and then we said it to each other. That was when I knew we both meant it.

Me: Uh oh, I can’t remember! I think Kyle actually texted me it first and I didn’t say it back! I feel bad, but I didn’t want to lie to him and I wasn’t sure how I felt. But then something bad happened to me, and he called me up at the perfect time. We were on the phone for ages and he was so good, I knew then that I loved him and I think that was the first time I said it back.

  • What do we argue about most?

Kyle: The small things that don’t matter.

Me: I think most of the arguments are my fault! (Don’t tell Kyle that!) Because Kyle’s quite an immature person, which isn’t a bad thing, but I’m a really mature person so sometimes our personalities clash. Plus, I’m such an emotional person that when I feel something it’s so overwhelming that I tend to overreact.

  • What do I do that you don’t like?

Kyle: When we play any board game and you start to lose you try to throw it off the table, or state that every one else is cheating.

Me: Oh no. I think he’ll probably say when I take his phone when he’s not looking and take selfies. I once managed to get up to 345 selfies, which he then had to go through and delete. Oops, sorry 😦 *EDIT: I’ve just seen what he put and okay I do that. I am the most competitive person at board games, and it got so bad that everyone refuses to play with me 😦 I’m sorry Kyle!

  • What do you love most about me?

Kyle: Your eyes, your smile, your fun personality, how strong, kind and caring you are, and that you work and fight so hard to be and do what you want to do xx

Me: If he says my butt I will not be impressed! *EDIT: Aw, okay I love this guy x

  • What is your favourite memory of us?

Kyle: When we went on our first holiday together to Canvey Island. It was our first time away, and it was my home where I grew up. I got to show you all the reasons why I love it, and I’m glad the first time you went there you were with me.

Me: Probably when we were round his dad’s place. We were sitting in front of the fire (an actual fire!) and we were wrapped up in a blanket. It was so romantic and we just talked and laughed, and I knew I loved you so much.

And that’s it. I loved doing this, and I think I got to know him a little bit better. Now I just want to give him a giant hug! Thank you for reading x

Why do we hate LGBT people so much?

I was raised in a family where I was going to be in a relationship with a man and that was the way it should be, if there was a program showing LGBT people on TV it was turned over, if there was a LGBT couple walking down the street we were supposed to be disgusted. But I don’t understand why. Why are we so against something that causes no harm? I mean, I can not think of a single reason to hate someone based on their sexual preferences, and I believe that as long as there are two consensual adults then they should be able to have sex, marry, and have kids with anyone they choose. I asked my family and a few people I know why they did not support the LGBT community and here were their reasons:

  • Religion. Okay this a touchy subject and I don’t want to offend anyone, so if you’re an idiot who doesn’t support equal rights because a book written thousands of years ago says so then I’d look away now 😉 From my extensive research I have found this little gem “Adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor thieves…shall enter the Kingdom of God.” So, clearly being gay is exactly the same as being a thief or an adulterer? Come on guys! Being LGBT is NOT A CHOICE! Just like it is not my choice that I find guys sexually attractive, you could tell me all day and night that this was a sin, but I’d still like guys. Don’t get me wrong, although I am not religious I love the principles of religion- that we should love and care for each other, and I like the idea that it can bring people together and I also like having hope that there is something watching out for me. But I think the idea of religion should be that we are all created equal, not that we are all created equal as long as you’re not female, black, LGBT, from a different religion etc.
  • “It’s unnatural”. Actually, we have found evidence of homosexuality in at least 450 species (Source: Yale Scientific, 2014) and only one species has homophobia. Which one is more unnatural now? Huh?
  • Gay people encourage homosexuality. Oh right I forgot, every time I see two girls holding hands it makes me want to be a lesbian. Guys, this is not how sexuality works! You are gay or you’re straight or you’re bisexual or you’re transgender. You just are. Do you ever walk past a gay couple and have the sudden urge to change sexuality and fuck a dude? No! Because again, it doesn’t work like that and if you answered yes to that question perhaps you are the problem.
  • Children with gay parents will have a bad upbringing. Are we just ignoring the millions of straight families who have neglected and abused their children? I truly believe that as long as a child is loved then I don’t think they give a fuck the sexuality of their parents, and the child will be brought up to embrace the LGBT community and this can only be a good thing!

Sorry for the rant but I just cannot believe that we are in the 21st century and we still cannot accept that there are people with a different sexuality, and damn it that should be okay!

My life in books…

I got this idea from this lovely lady and you should definitely check her blog out! So here we go, this is my life in books:

Find a book for each of your initials:

  • A- An Abundance of Katherines, John Green. It’s a book by John Green. Just read it, in fact just read everything John Green has ever touched.

  • L- Lies, Michael Grant. Oh gosh this book is horrific, in a good way! It is the third book in the Gone series and it is an amazing read. I won’t give too much away but I seriously recommend this to everyone, it is my favourite series of all time.

Count your age along your bookshelf- which book is it:

  • The Perks of Being a Wallflower, Stephen Chbosky. This book genuinely made me laugh and cry, although that’s not really saying much considering I cried at the Fantastic Four movie (sadly that is a true story).

Pick a book that represents a destination you would love to travel to:

  • Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone, J.K Rowling. Now clearly my Hogwarts acceptance letter got lost in the post, but I still have hope that one day Hagrid will come and until that day I can only wait and wish!

Pick a book that’s your favourite colour:

  • Eleanor & Park, Rainbow Rowell. This is one of my favourite books, and it’s so romantic yet frustratingly unromantic. I know that makes zero sense, but please just read it! Plus, my favourite colour is yellow 🙂

Which book do you have the fondest memory of:

  • The BFG, Roald Dahl. *Warning: soppy story ahead* I used to read this book to my little brother (when he was actually a little kid and not the 6ft tall thing he is today) and I used to make up parts of the book as I read and add in crazy adventures and completely new characters so that it would take longer to read because I loved spending time with him.

Which book did you have the most difficulty reading:

  • Room, Emma Donoghue. This book was so difficult to read just because of the content, I don’t want to give away anything but this is not a cheery book but it was definitely worth reading and it was a book which was beautifully written and if you can brave it you should definitely give it a go.

Which book in your ‘To Be Read Pile’ will give you the biggest sense of accomplishment when you read it:

  • Mansfield Park, Jane Austen. I want to read more classics and this is on my shelf just waiting to be read, so hopefully I’ll get round to it soon!

Well there you go, my life in books. And if there’s anyone reading this feel free to give it a go!

You are beautiful! (I promise)

*Warning: This video may upset some viewers*

This woman weighs 40lb, the weight of my four year old cousin, and she cannot get help from hospitals because she is a “liability”. Please tell me I am not the only one who thinks this is disgraceful. This woman lives in a first world country where the government has no issue with raising their paychecks by a few million, yet they can’t give help to a woman with a severe psychological disorder. This woman will be getting support, but not because the government have seen sense, but because people across the world have donated money to her (http://www.gofundme.com/savemyrachael) and I hope that in a few years time we will see a much happier and healthier Rachael.

However there are still people out there, heck some may even be reading this, who have this disorder. I think weight is such a taboo subject and I think this may have a part in why so many people have eating disorders. If you are on the larger side you are fat, you must just sit around eating all day, you should be ashamed of your body. If you are on the smaller side then you are anorexic, you must only eat salads, you should be ashamed of your body. This is insane! People are not “one size fits all”, and I think that we should promote being healthy and as long as you’re healthy and happy it shouldn’t matter whether you’re a size XXXS or an XXXL.

And to try and encourage you, my beautiful readers, to talk about your body here are my measurements…

  • Weight: 10.5 stone (147lb)
  • Height: 5ft 3″
  • Waist: 29″
  • Hips: 38″
  • Clothes size: 12
  • Shoe size 5

…Because I LOVE my body and you should love yours too! So if you’re feeling brave feel free to comment with your measurements so we can start spreading the love 🙂

Everything you need to know about me (and a lot more you really don’t).

Hi, I saw this on someone else’s blog and I think it’ll help me take my mind off of today (for those of you who don’t know what today is here you go), so here is everything about me 🙂

Name: Amy

Birthday: 15th July

What Was Your…

  1. Last beverage: Cup of tea (ugh sorry, I am a walking British stereotype)
  2. Last phone call: My boyfriend, Kyle
  3. Last text: My boyfriend again (I do talk to other people, I swear!)
  4. Last time I cried: Yesterday at college 😦

Have You Ever…

  1. Dated someone twice: No
  2. been cheated on: No
  3. Kissed someone and regretted it: Ohmygosh yes (sorry George, but you were gross!)
  4. Lost someone special: Yes, and I think of them every day.
  5. Been depressed: Yes, it sucks.
  6. Been drunk and threw up: Nope!

Three Favourite Colours…

  1. Yellow
  2. Green
  3. Purple

Since 2014 Have You…

  1. Made a new friend: Does it count if I made up with a friend I haven’t spoken to in 2 years?
  2. Fallen in love: Yes
  3. Laughed until you cried: Yup, when I start laughing that’s it, I cannot be stopped!
  4. Met someone who changed you: Yes, Kyle helped me realise I am so damn lucky to even be alive right now and I’m going to stop before I get too mushy!
  5. Found out who your true friends were: I have been through shit in the past few years, so I already knew who they are 🙂
  6. Found out someone was talking about you: Not that I know of (*suspiciously looks at friends*), but I think this is mostly because all my friends are dudes which makes my life a lot easier 😛
  7. kissed anyone on your Facebook friends list: I don’t have Facebook, I’msososorrydon’tkillme! I kinda just haven’t got round to it yet, but I plan on getting it soon I promise 🙂

General…

  1. Do you have any pets: My brother has an immortal goldfish who has managed to stay alive for the past 5 years despite randomly turning green every now and then. His name is Pumpkin.
  2. Do you want to change your name: I love my name, my parents put so much thought into it it would be disrespectful to change it. (Someone gave them a baby name book and they turned to the first page and there it was, thanks guys!)
  3. What did you do for your last birthday: I went to see the Fault in Our Stars (my favourite book and movie) with my boyfriend then we went to the Chinese restaurant where I work sometimes and had a meal. Nothing exciting but it’s one of my happiest memories, which sounds a bit sad now I’m typing it.
  4. What time did you wake up today: 5:57am because I love mornings 🙂
  5. What were you doing at midnight last night: I was asleep. I love mornings but I love my sleep too!
  6. What’s something you can’t wait for: Going to University!!!
  7. Last time you saw your mother: 10 minutes ago when I made her a cup of tea
  8. What is one thing you would change about your life: How emotional I am, when I feel happy I feel ecstatic but when I’m upset it’s like I’m a black hole. But I wouldn’t change anything I’ve gone through because all my experiences have made me get to where I am today and I’m happy with who I am and the life I have.
  9. What are you listening to right now: My brother talking to himself while playing his PlayStation and my mum coughing.
  10. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: When I was in little school I had a friend named Tom, we totally had a thing going for like a whole week 😉
  11. What’s getting on your nerves tight now: Being sad is not very nice 😦
  12. Most visited webpage: Hmm, it would probably be this site at the moment because I don’t really do much else online.
  13. Nicknames: My name is literally three letters, if you shorten it anymore you’ll just be breathing out. Plus I hate being called things like Babe and Honey because I get this a lot at work and it is annoys me much more than it probably should do. So, Amy is fine with me:)
  14. Relationship status: In a relationship with my dorky, childish boyfriend who I wouldn’t trade for the world.
  15. He or She: She
  16. Hair colour: Blonde mostly, but turns ginger/brown in Winter.
  17. Long or short hair: Medium, but trying to grow it longer.
  18. Height: 5ft 3″.
  19. Do you have a crush on someone: I may be slightly in love with David Tenant.
  20. What do you like about yourself: I genuinely care about (pretty much) everyone I meet and I don’t think a lot of people do which is a shame.

Firsts…

  1. First surgery: None, yay!
  2. First piercing: Ears, but I hardly ever wear earrings.
  3. First best friend: Sarah, who is still my best friend, 10 years and still going!
  4. First sport I joined: Rollerskating, the one and only “sport” I am good at 🙂
  5. First vacation: Probably Spain.

Right now…

  1. I’m about to: Do some revision once I’ve finished this 😥
  2. Listening to: Still listening to coughing and my brother shooting people.
  3. Waiting for: My dad to come home with FOOD (hopefully!)

The Future…

  1. Kids: Yes.
  2. Get married: Yes.
  3. Career: After studying Biomedical Science at University I want to work in a hospital diagnosing diseases and perhaps go into research, particularly looking at cures for Alzheimers and Dementia.

Which is better…

  1. Lips or eyes: Eyes
  2. Hugs or kisses: Hugs
  3. Shorter or taller: I like tall guys but don’t tell my boyfriend, he’s only 5ft 4″!
  4. Older or younger: Older guys, Kyle is 2 years older than me and he’s still immature!
  5. Romantic or spontaneous: Romantic (hint, hint!)
  6. Nice stomach or arms: Oh gosh, muscly arms!
  7. Sensitive or loud: Sensitive (I hope this one is about a guy and not about something dirty?)
  8. Hook up or relationship: Relationship
  9. Funny or shy: Can I have them both please? Thanks.

Have you ever…

  1. Kissed a stranger: Erm, yes!
  2. Drank hard liquor: Again, guilty.
  3. Broken someone’s heart: Yes, and I’m so sorry for leading you on I just loved the idea of having a boyfriend. Sorry 😦
  4. Been arrested: Nope, I’m smart enough to not get caught 😉 (I’m kidding, don’t arrest me!)
  5. Turned someone down: Yes, sorry:(

Do you believe in…

  1. Yourself: Of course, I am fantabulous.
  2. Miracles: Mhm.
  3. Love at first sight: No. When you “fall in love at first sight” you are basing your emotions on the appearance of that person and I don’t think that’s the best way to start a relationship.
  4. Heaven: No, not in the traditional sense but I like the idea there is “something” after death.
  5. Santa Clause: What sort of question is that?! Of course I do, who do you guys think brings your presents, duh!

Well, if you made it through all that well done! I hope everyone is having a good day wherever you are x

I had no intention of writing this post, and up until last night I didn’t think I could. But then I typed in the word ‘Suicide’ into the search bar of this site and I came across hundreds of people who are thinking about taking their own life, and there is no way in hell I’m going to do nothing because if I can even make one person realise they are important then it will have been worth it.

In less than 48 hours it will be the anniversary of my best friend’s death. Joshua was aged 12 when he hung himself on Wednesday 19th May 2010. He left behind two guilty parents, one heartbroken sister, and me, a damaged 11 year old girl. Joshua was beautiful. He was also very gay and everyone knew it, and of course this led to bullying. It got to the point where he didn’t even want to go outside. One day we were sat in his room and he kept touching his sleeves and wincing every time he moved.  I grabbed his sleeve and pulled it up a and there were so many scars overlapping each other, I couldn’t understand what had happened and I guess I was in denial. He told me he had one for every time someone called him a faggot or a pussy, every time someone had pushed him over, each time someone had sent him a text telling him to die he had added another scratch. I don’t want to go into detail about how I discovered he died because that won’t help anyone and I’d rather not spend my Sunday morning trying to describe the pain of that moment.

Joshua would have turned 18 this year. We should be giggling over boys, and we should have had that joint 18th birthday party that we planned when we were 10, but that can never happen. I wish he could have met my boyfriend and saw me at prom where I wore a dress for the first time, and I wish I could have seen his face when I got my scholarship for University. And I am crying right now so I’m going to stop talking about the what if’s because he’s gone and there is no point thinking about something that is never going to happen.

Joshua thought that he was a burden on us and he thought there’s no way to fix the problems he had with bullying and his sexuality and that is why he took his life. But there is always another solution. Please go talk to someone, your parents, teachers, siblings, friends, or call a suicide hotline (http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html). Every single person reading this has a reason to live, and I completely understand that life can be overwhelming sometimes and it’s okay to feel that way. But self harm and suicide are not the answer. You don’t see the effects of suicide on the people you leave behind and the guilt and the pain and the tears. I’d like to think that this post may help someone, and maybe that’s just wishful thinking, but  it is too late for my beautiful Josh but it’s not too late for you.

I just miss him so fucking much.

 

Reasons to be happy

In 4 days it will be the anniversary of something awful, something I don’t really want to think or talk about. So I’m writing a list of things that I’m happy about and maybe that’ll help a little bit. Sorry, this isn’t the most though provoking or inspirational post but maybe it’ll encourage those of you who are having a tough time to do the same. Focus on the good things instead of the bad 🙂

  1. I passed my driving theory test today, woo! But they must have thought I looked dodgy because she made me empty all my pockets, take off my jacket and show her my arms, and then I had to hand over my glasses to prove I didn’t have anything attached to them. If someone has cheated using their glasses they are a genius and should definitely be working for the government right now.
  2. I only have a month left of college, and thank God because I don’t know if I could write another essay evaluating the criminal justice system.
  3. I start University in September and I am ridiculously excited.
  4. I have a scholarship to University so I don’t have to work two jobs anymore! No more customers throwing food at me, or getting hit on by weirdo’s double my age, and I don’t have to smile at people when I really just want to throw fortune cookies at them.
  5. My boyfriend got an offer for University and I couldn’t be prouder of him 🙂
  6. The boy I tutor said I was a good teacher, and that he will miss me when I can’t tutor him anymore. (Awww)
  7. My brother is gaining weight and is training towards his black belt in Karate.
  8. I have lost 1.5 stone in the past year by running and eating healthy (ish) and I have curves!
  9. My boyfriend is so much happier now and he’s getting the help he needs.
  10. I haven’t had a panic attack for a week, yay!

Well, I think that’s a pretty good list!

Sometimes it’s so difficult to stay positive but I’m trying hard and, if anyone’s reading this, I hope you have a good day x