What is it like to be in love with someone who has autism?

20150620_161412[1]Wonderful. Challenging. Beautiful. Frustrating. But so worth it. My boyfriend, Kyle, and I have been dating for around a year and a half now, and he has been diagnosed with autism, ADHD, and dyslexia. I’m often asked if that makes a relationship difficult, and my honest answer is always yes. Of course it does. So why am I still with him? Well, he makes me happy for one. He is also an incredible person whose personality I love. My dad always said to me, if you’d be happy with your own child dating someone like your partner then you’re with the right one. Honestly, I would love my future children to date someone like Kyle.

However, our relationship faces struggles that some other couples might not face so in this post I’m going to list all the good points, and the bad, about dating someone with autism. Everyone with autism and ADHD are different and so this will be based on my own personal experiences, and I’d love to hear your thoughts on this. And before I start, I’d like to say that I’m not blaming my boyfriend for the things he does and I’m not judging him on these things- I understand that some habits he has make him more comfortable and I’m not putting him down in any way. I love him, but I want to give an honest view.

Bad News First

  • His view on right and wrong can be child-like. When my boyfriend gets upset or angry he can sometime resort to very child-like thinking. For example, while we were sleeping I took all of the blanket. He woke up and then decided to elbow me until I woke up, in his mind it was the only way he could think of to fix the problem, and if he couldn’t get to sleep why should I? To try and help we have a chat and we talk about what else he could have done, I do try and remain calm (even if it’s 4am!) because he doesn’t do it out of spite.
  • He obsesses over little things. He can’t eat baked beans unless he cooks them himself. Is he like that with any other food? Nope. Just baked beans. If his bus is a minute late he panics. He worries if he’s playing on his PlayStation too much, or if he’s reading too much, or if he’s on his laptop too much. But he doesn’t worry about the big things, like University or money. To deal with this I just get over it, he’s not affecting my life so it doesn’t bother me too much. Plus because of my anxiety I worry about everything enough for the both of us!
  • He struggles to read my emotions. Obvious clues, such as me crying or me laughing he can figure out my emotions. But sometimes if I’m just sitting on the sofa watching TV, he struggles to tell if I’m being quiet because I’m sad, angry, or if I’m just content. This can often lead to him asking me if I’m okay a lot, or asking me if I’m angry or upset at him. I’m not going to lie, this can get frustrating sometimes but it is sweet that he cares about me so much. So, to help with this I tell him outright if I’m angry or sad because it’s just easier for both of us. I think all couples should do this! It saves so much time because none of us are mind readers!
  • He finds it hard to put himself in others shoes. Kyle struggles to view the world from anyone else’s point of view. So he might do or say something without considering how that might make someone feel. Unfortunately my anxiety means that if he says something to me, I find it extremely hurtful and my brain often exaggerates it. As our relationship has gone on he has gotten a lot better at this, and I’ve learnt to let him explain what he really means and to talk to him if I find things upsetting.
  • He can’t process sarcasm. I am an extremely sarcastic person, but Kyle takes everything literally. This can make our conversations difficult, and can make for some awkward explanations.

But There Is Good News!

  • He can’t lie to me. Kyle just cannot lie. This means that if he tells me something I know he’s telling the truth, and I think this helps my anxiety a lot.
  • He’s very affectionate. Kyle’s ADHD means he’s very hyper and once he got to know me and trusted me he’s so sweet but very excitable. This means I get constant hand holding, hugs, and kisses which I love!
  • He knows so much. The amount of random information Kyle knows is astounding! I tutor a young boy, but he was struggling with History so I offered to do some lessons on it (although I know nothing about it) so I enlisted the help of Kyle who managed to teach me everything about castles, Medieval Times, and The Battle of Hastings. And my student got an A on his next exam 🙂
  • He’s excitable. When Kyle finds something he’s passionate about, he gets obsessed over it and it’s so cute. He gets very excited, and it’s so nice to see something simple making someone so happy.
  • It’s easy to tell how he feels. Some people struggle to read their partners emotions, but Kyle is very predictable. He has very specific behaviours for when he’s happy and another behaviour for when he’s sad. This means I don’t have to be a mind reader and I can help him out quickly.
  • He doesn’t judge. He bases his opinions of people solely on how they treat him and how they act. Kyle is one of the least judgmental people I know. It doesn’t matter if you are 10 or 110, male or female, black or white, gay or straight, Kyle will be friendly towards you and that’s such an amazing quality of his.
  • He is so positive. His personality is so upbeat. Although he has struggled he always has a positive outlook on life and it’s so nice to be with someone like that. He is so kind and sweet and he genuinely is a nice guy.
  • He just gets on with life. Never has Kyle complained about having autism. He knows he has it and he just carries on with life, there’s no moping around or feeling sorry for himself, and I love that about him.
  • He’s brave. His ADHD means he doesn’t fear dangerous situations. This means that I can send him to deal with big scary spiders, or loud noises in the night and he doesn’t even flinch! This means he’s Superman in my eyes!
  • He’s a good listener. If I have a problem I know I can go to him and talk about it, whatever it is. He’s also good at giving me advice, and putting my problems into perspective, and he helps motivate me 🙂

I wrote a list of so many more good points but I realised this post is so long already! I hope this post has given you a better insight into what it’s like to date someone who is autistic. No relationship is ever easy, and autism does make a relationship extra challenging. But there are so many reasons why Kyle is a wonderful boyfriend and no, I would never take away his autism because without it he wouldn’t be Kyle. I love him and I hope he never changes who he is. Thank you for reading!

Shopping Haul!

I feel like I’ve written about pretty much everything on this blog… so why not talk about fashion as well?! My boyfriend and I went shopping and spent way more money then we should have done! So here’s the result of 5 hours shopping.

*Disclaimer: I tried to take pictures of all the clothes but they were so wrinkly so I’ve got pictures off the internet of the stuff we bought. Sorry, but I have no time to iron stuff unless I have to!

My Stuff (every t-shirt cost £15 and were bought from the TV and Movie Store)

The Friendship Algorithm T-shirt – For those of you who don’t know, this comes from a TV show called The Big Bang Theory where the main character tries to make a friend by creating a math equation. This sounds so boring, but actually it’s so funny and I would definitely recommend! Anyway this t-shirt is so cool, but as my dad so carefully said “People are staring at your chest whilst trying to read your shirt”.

Game Of Thrones T-shirt – I have just started watching Game of Thrones and I’ve binged watched the first three seasons 🙂 So of course I had to celebrate my new love with a t-shirt! I have also just watched “The Red Wedding” and I am developing a strong hatred for the author of this book and the director. Everybody dies. Literally everyone!!

Adventure Time T-shirt- I’m so, so sorry. I’m an Adventure Time fan. Basically Adventure Time is a really weird cartoon and I just think it’s fabulous. Can you tell I’m a bit of a nerd yet? (Is it just me, or does this picture look so awkward. What’s he doing with his other hand?!)

My Boyfriend’s Stuff(Every T-shirt cost £15 from the TV and Movie Store and The Rock Collection)

Skeleton Riding A Devil Horse T-shirt – How awesome is this?!

Wolf T-shirt- He got really excited because we’d just watched Game of Thrones and he wants to be Jon Snow 😛 That is the only reason he bought this!

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Dragon T-shirt – Can you see a theme here?! I’m pretty sure 99% of my boyfriend’s clothes are black!

Hobbit T-shirt – My boyfriend is obsessed with Lord of the Rings. But I’ve never actually watched it! I tried watching The Hobbit once but I fell asleep 20 minutes in- sorry Kyle!

Jeans (£9, Primark) and Marvel Socks (£4, Primark) – Whoever says Primark is trashy needs to eat these socks! Yep, my boyfriend is a nerd right down to the socks 😛

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Game of Thrones T-shirt- The shop we went into had about 40 different Game of Thrones t-shirts. We were there for 15 minutes while my boyfriend picked up shirts, walked over to the mirror, then put it back. But he finally decided on this one and it’s pretty cool 🙂

Hydra T-shirt – Again, more superhero stuff. Oh gosh we must look like such dorks right now!

And that’s it! As you can probably tell my boyfriend and I pretty much dress the same, and it doesn’t help that we own the exact same t-shirts so we’ve  turned up to so many places wearing the exact same thing. Now I think about it we dress the same all the time! Do people think we’re twins?! Oh well, this just means I have two wardrobes to pick from 😛

Questions for my boyfriend.

I saw lots of people on here and on YouTube doing ‘The Boyfriend Tag’, and I thought I’d do something similar. I answered the questions first without seeing his answers, then sent them to Kyle and we’ll see how our answers match up 🙂 So here we go…

Where did we meet?

Kyle: We first met at college, but we come to know each other from a college trip to do a train crash simulation and then I asked you on a date the day after xx

Me: We first saw spoke to each other in a hallway outside a classroom. He bragged about having a motorbike! But then we had to go into our classes so I never got his name. A few months later we were on a college trip where we had to pretend to be in a train crash so the emergency services could practice saving us. So, the first time I spoke to him properly we were both covered in blood, surrounded by people screaming and firemen knocking down the doors, smoke everywhere, and there Kyle was sitting next to me making cheesy jokes 🙂

  • Where was our first date?

Kyle: At the cinema, we “watched” Ride Along.

Me: We went to the cinema to watch a movie called Ride Along. Kyle was so nervous (but he says he wasn’t)!

  • Where was our first kiss and how was it?

Kyle: It was on our first date and it was lovely 🙂 But we kissed so much I missed all of the movie 😦

Me: It was in the cinema and I was ridiculously nervous. It was so sweet (or maybe that was the popcorn)!

  • What was your first impression of me?

Kyle: A cute and talented woman. I wanted to get to know you better.

Me: What a dork! But he was cute and he always had a big smile on his face 🙂

  • Who said “I love you” first and where were we?

Kyle: I  think is was a month after we started dating that we started say we love each other, but I don’t remember when it actually started. I said it but I wasn’t sure if you felt the same way. Until I rang you on That Day when you were upset, and then we said it to each other. That was when I knew we both meant it.

Me: Uh oh, I can’t remember! I think Kyle actually texted me it first and I didn’t say it back! I feel bad, but I didn’t want to lie to him and I wasn’t sure how I felt. But then something bad happened to me, and he called me up at the perfect time. We were on the phone for ages and he was so good, I knew then that I loved him and I think that was the first time I said it back.

  • What do we argue about most?

Kyle: The small things that don’t matter.

Me: I think most of the arguments are my fault! (Don’t tell Kyle that!) Because Kyle’s quite an immature person, which isn’t a bad thing, but I’m a really mature person so sometimes our personalities clash. Plus, I’m such an emotional person that when I feel something it’s so overwhelming that I tend to overreact.

  • What do I do that you don’t like?

Kyle: When we play any board game and you start to lose you try to throw it off the table, or state that every one else is cheating.

Me: Oh no. I think he’ll probably say when I take his phone when he’s not looking and take selfies. I once managed to get up to 345 selfies, which he then had to go through and delete. Oops, sorry 😦 *EDIT: I’ve just seen what he put and okay I do that. I am the most competitive person at board games, and it got so bad that everyone refuses to play with me 😦 I’m sorry Kyle!

  • What do you love most about me?

Kyle: Your eyes, your smile, your fun personality, how strong, kind and caring you are, and that you work and fight so hard to be and do what you want to do xx

Me: If he says my butt I will not be impressed! *EDIT: Aw, okay I love this guy x

  • What is your favourite memory of us?

Kyle: When we went on our first holiday together to Canvey Island. It was our first time away, and it was my home where I grew up. I got to show you all the reasons why I love it, and I’m glad the first time you went there you were with me.

Me: Probably when we were round his dad’s place. We were sitting in front of the fire (an actual fire!) and we were wrapped up in a blanket. It was so romantic and we just talked and laughed, and I knew I loved you so much.

And that’s it. I loved doing this, and I think I got to know him a little bit better. Now I just want to give him a giant hug! Thank you for reading x