I avoid the elderly.

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That makes me sound like an awful person, right? And it is awful, but unfortunately it’s true. If I see an elderly customer I will be polite to them, but I will finish the transaction as soon as possible. I visit elderly relatives as little as I can. And I absolutely refuse to go to funerals. Why? Because I’m terrified of death and everything that reminds me of it.

When I look at someone so fragile and tired, it just makes me so sad. I’m sure they’ve lived such a wonderful life, it’s just not fair that it has to end. I have quite a few elderly relatives. (My family seem to live forever.) I have two great nans who are still alive, but both of them are very ill, and can hardly walk or eat by themselves. For the past year I’ve made so many excuses to avoid visiting them- I’m sick, I’ve got coursework, I’m seeing friends etc. Anything I can do.

I have never been to a funeral. I want my last memories of my friends and family to be good ones, where they were alive and free and happy. I would hate my last memories of that person to be cold, and filled with sadness. But sometimes I feel so guilty too. I’ve missed out on so many of my loved one’s funerals, and although my parents haven’t said anything about it, I’m so scared they’ll think I don’t care when really it’s the opposite.

It just scares me so much that every memory I have, all my hopes and dreams and achievements will one day not matter. How fair is that?

So, what can I do? Is there any way to get over this fear? Is there anyone out there who feels this way too? I know I can’t keep going on like this forever.

Thank you for reading, and as always I encourage anyone reading this to get in touch with me if they need someone to talk to.

14 thoughts on “I avoid the elderly.”

  3. I completely understand how you feel. I’m terrified of death so I often find myself thinking about it a lot. It’s okay not to go to funerals. I personally feel obligated to go to them, because it’s the last time you get to see the person before they go into the ground of get burned to nothing but ashes. My sister though has only been to 2 funerals out of the 7 or more that we’ve had and that was only because they were our grandparents funerals, but anyways what I was trying to say is it perfectly fine to not attend funerals and no one will judge you because of it.

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  4. I can understand that you’re scared of death and that elderly people remind you of it and it is very sad. But when it comes to your family I must say you should spend as much time as possible with them, because like you said, one day they will pass away. It’s really upsetting to think about but it’s true and from my own experience the advice I will give you is to push that fear as far back into your mind and spend time with your elderly family. 🙂

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  6. Wow that post made me think…and the truth is I don’t think there is an answer to your fear. I think it’s completely natural to feel that way and come to think of it, I can relate. It wasn’t until my grandfather died that I went to a funeral, but I’m glad I did. I got to do a talk about him and his life and yes, it was sad, but it also provided closure and I think that’s what everyone is looking for after a death. Think of funerals as a celebration of their life. It was sad, but I knew my grandfather would have wanted me to be there and would be proud of me for doing the talk. Maybe try to think of it as closure if you, unfortunately, have to make the decision to attend another one. As for your parents, I’m sure they probably understand – after all, maybe they feel the same way? Em x p.s: sorry this comment is so long aha

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